MARCH 18 2015
I started coughing one day and thought, wow, you know, I almost feel like all my ligaments in my abdomen are loose like when I’m pregnant– ha. Nah. I’ll start my cycle in a few days, no big deal. I went and counted on the calendar, did the math from the month before and thought, eh, still no big deal. Another day or two. My husband rolled his eyes. He thought I was being too dramatic even at double checking the dates.
Then I noticed that despite working out and eating less, although my weight was dropping off, my belly was sticking out further. My 3 year old put her head on it, and said ‘soft’ and then another time in front of a friend, she said her head on it and squeezed and snuggled up. I remember my oldest doing this during an unannounced pregnancy. Umm…
Then you realize that yes, you HAVE been having to get up to pee more often at night. And for about 3 days in a row all you wanted to do was nap. Hmm…..
I actually had to send Casey outside with Matt and the other girls so I could take the stupid test- hard to believe you can think you peed on a stick, wait for a result and then realize- well, you didn’t actually pee on the stick because the 15 month old thumping around in the bathroom with you was so distracting that you MISSED. I couldn’t even pee on a stick right, people.
Surprise! Although we intended to start thinking about conceiving this summer, and having a baby in the spring of 2016, as the saying goes, if you want to hear God laugh tell him your plans! We had had a discussion about now vs. then and so on, but were basically just avoiding certain times and not attempting to get pregnant just yet–but obviously something else was in store for us. I intended if I ever got pregnant again, that I’d surprise my husband with the results in a fun way, etc. Not realizing that it would be so soon, or that we HAVE to share a vehicle now since he sold his, so we go everywhere together. Hard to hide an EPT from him when he’s shopping with me. Not to mention my eagle eyed 6 year old who can read very well. She was hard to distract in order to get the test scanned through without her seeing it. So I attempted to show him a picture on my phone after the second attempt at the same test and there was too much glare in the sun, so he said what’s it mean, and I said ‘we’re going to need a bigger vehicle.’
So how does my husband feel about this? Funny, my husband said the exact same thing the LAST time we had a more ‘huh, okay than exactly timed’ pregnancy. You can read his nonsense here, along with the story of our unexpected loss. Some things never change. But some things do. I’ve had a healthy baby since then. Ups. Downs. Laughter and tears. The pain isn’t quite so bad. I would feel sad if we had another loss. I would deal with it and move on. Some things aren’t meant to be. I try and worry less. I’m already buckling down on the food area. Attempting to take vitamins since I didn’t have a regimen started (typically I do when we’re planning these sorts of things out). Trying to figure out when a good time to call my Dr. would be. Trying to figure out what to do with 3 other kids while I have all my appointments. Trying to pre-plan things to go in the freezer. The kid’s probably the size of a pinhead and I’m already planning post-partum meals. I think I have this thing handled 😉
As I said, we’ve been talking about it, we’ve done the math, figured out what timing was good/bad. This way most of it is done in GREAT weather. There’s no kids to pick up from school so if an appointment runs late like before, again, not a problem. We can move our home schooling around if necessary. Looks like any vacations are probably another year or two off. We had intended on doing something this fall if Casey weaned, but perhaps we’ll do more day trips or have a mini stay-cation. I’m not certain if this will be our last pregnancy or not, but for now, I’m just doing a lot of praying, a lot of thinking and a lot of smiling.
UPDATE: We’re basically through the first trimester now, and although we have notified grandparents, we haven’t told anyone else and don’t intend to for a while. Anyone that sees me on a daily basis is probably curious, but so far no one has asked. Not even the kids- the 6 year old says baby a LOT more and keeps giving me the side eye. 🙂 I had an appt. 2 days ago and today is the end of week 12, and the start of week 13, and we had a heartbeat so I guess this is a reality! We’ve opted to go ahead with genetic testing since I’m over 35, and although my Dr. isn’t even slightly concerned, it is covered by our insurance and as I said to her: I’d rather freak out/find out hormonally with her staff than random strangers in an OR if there was an issue. They know me, and random surgery assistants don’t. But for now, I’m continuing to pray, trying to stay calm, and living life as normally as I can, knowing that we’re about to become a family of 6.
Again, we haven’t told anyone online or in real life either, and plan to just keep mum for a while, so shhh!