A former schoolmate of mine shared this link on facebook… take a minute and read it…
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/modern-love-to-fall-in-love-with-anyone-do-this.html
It reminds me of late night chats in college, where your friendships deepen and become life long bonds. It reminds me, too, of long nights talking with my husband pre-wedding, when we had nothing but time seemingly. Now it seems like we have everything but….
The last time I looked at him for 4 minutes? It has to be years. Years since we’ve seen each other that close for that long. There’s always a swollen belly, baby’s soft head, toddler’s tousled brow, a pre-schooler’s relentless questions, and the noise, noise, noise that comes with a busy household in between. Brief glances here, shared giggles over a mussed bed in a stolen moment between requests for nursing, diapers, help on and off the potty, another story, another snack, or one more glass of milk. But kids are only kids for so long. Our partnership is a real TDDUP one. Where we said our vows and meant them. Youthful enthusiasm, and all.
We couldn’t possibly know what lay ahead. The surgeries, the babies, the up all nights, the panic, the late night I love you’s given across the phone wires to sleepy eyed kids missing their daddy. We couldn’t possibly see the lack of date nights, the missed chances to connect, because for ONCE everyone took a nap and we were so surprised that we just watched tv, knowing any minute they would be up. Last weekend we spent 3 hours cleaning out a filing cabinet. Yes, I’d love that time back, I really would, but we chatted, and it was useful, so I guess even though we didn’t look deeply into each other’s eyes for 4 minutes, we still made progress toward one of our goals, so I guess that’s something.
Perhaps after you’ve been married for a dozen years, and you’ve GONE through all those things together, you no longer need to see them for 4 minutes straight? Perhaps if you’re already in love you don’t need to see them quite so closely? Or perhaps it’s not about the sight at all, but just about the being together. I hope you’ll forgive the bluntness, but after all, blind people fall in love and they don’t stare at their partners, seeing them deeply (not visually, anyway)…
Yes, seeing your partner is important, but perhaps it’s the time that matters more.
The foundation you built BC will still be there AC.
It IS hard, all the rushing and the stuff that has to happen ahead of priority time for each other.
This is real love… the stuff that happens right now.