Who do you like to be with when you’re feeling sad?
This is a tough question. In some cases, hugging my kids or getting a laugh out of my husband is pretty good. In other ways, it might be a family get together that really helps, though they’re few and far between. It’s really great when every year or two I get to spend some time with old college friends, it definitely helps to chase away some dusty cobwebs. I have a few new friends, but not many are deep enough to really bash the blues, and they are all very busy. Sometimes? No one helps.
Sometimes, just being alone is the ultimate balm. Because the sadness might be related to any number of stressors, and the kids might not really be able to help with adult issues. They might compound them. One reason I can think of would be thinking about the possibility of expanding our family. It leads to thinking about the baby we lost. As much as I’d love my other kids to be healing, in that case they’re really not. They make me feel guilty. I have so much, why should I want more? Need more? Am I betraying the baby we lost? Those times require silent reflection, not noisy chaos.
What would really really help? I think what would really be great is a date night a couple of times a month. Just the two of us, where we can actually talk. You see we were friends a long time before we were lovers. Sure we’d be on a timer with a babysitter, and a baby who still nurses every couple of hours. But it would be nice to have quiet without expectations. Without worrying about kids waking up. Without.. worries. Because I think that’s what it comes down to for me. I can’t even feel the sadness because there’s such a layer of worry over the top of it. It would be wonderful to feel that all lifted off for a few hours a week. Heck a few hours a month. I’m not picky. Then maybe some of the worry would ease, too.