In the wake of Robin Williams passing, everyone says ‘how sad’… and ‘if only someone had known’… and a few weeks later a mom ‘abandons her baby in a dumpster’ and it’s judge, jury, and executioner in the court of public opinion, without even knowing the whole story. No matter what it is. No matter where you are or your state of mind….when you hear something that happens on the news, or you read a headline in your internet feed…
STOP.
THINK.
FEEL.
PRAY.
What don’t you see there? Judge. Use righteous anger to slam someone with your hateful spewing over the internet. Immediately share the ‘breaking news’ link without any additional information and lump a person into a category when you don’t have the WHOLE story. What good is it doing you? What good is it doing the person you’re dealing with? Talking about? Do you even know who they are? Do you know their every thought? Unless you’re judging yourself, you have absolutely no way to do so with any chance of understanding. When I commented on someone’s blithe comment that society was spiraling downward and an abandoned baby was just a way to get out of a responsibility, I calmly countered with ‘I am praying for the situation and hope that everyone gets help’…. you know why? Because it’s the truth. Because if it was me in anything remotely similar, I wouldn’t want to be found wanting by everyone with an opinion on the internet. Because I don’t know the WHOLE truth. Because I am not the woman or child (again, no one knows as of right now) that gave birth to that particular baby. I’ve been through childbirth. I’ve been through PPD. I’m living in the hell that is a combo of PPD and PPA with no medication, no therapy and no help. While I don’t know exactly what happened, I could lay out at least a half dozen scenarios that don’t make the mother of that baby a horrible person. Without knowing the whole story. Now of course, that’s complete conjecture… play along, won’t you?
- Maybe it’s a teen that hid the pregnancy and therefore hid the baby where no one would find it until she could come back with formula or get help from a friend and the baby was discovered in the meantime.
- Maybe she was passed out nearby and someone took her to the hospital after noticing her bleeding, but the baby remained hidden.
- Maybe an impatient boyfriend or husband took the baby and didn’t come back with it.
- Maybe the mom is mentally ill.
- Maybe she didn’t know about Safe Haven Laws and hoped the baby would be discovered by a passer-by.
- Maybe none of these is true at all…
In none of these scenarios is the person outright evil–and when you look at reality as REALITY, not reality TV… it’s not that often. Our modern society has trained us to immediately think that every thing is scary. Everything is evil. Everything is out to get you. Everyone is out to cheat the system, get welfare, and a free ride. Look out, they’re scary! Helmets are marketed to people who have newly walking babies.. what if they hit their heads? What if they fall down? What if our great grandparents would look at us like we’re out of our fricking trees for even thinking that? Our normalcy has been replaced by pure insanity. Parents can’t go inside to the bathroom with a kid on the lawn–there are dangers around every corner. Kids are not allowed to walk to school, to the bus stop, or across a small town– clearly there’s a mad man with a knife following you always, waiting for you to slip up. Make one wrong move and not only will your friends know, but so will the whole world if the media finds out. You will be crucified before you get your say. There’s a way to stop it, and it starts with you. Now I know not everyone is religious but feel free to insert ‘good thoughts’ for prayer, ok? When you read something online or hear a news story that offends you:
STOP.
THINK.
FEEL.
PRAY.
Discover inside what’s really bothering you. A very prominent local story talks about a dead body laying in rest for several hours “like a dog” I heard someone snark– while weeks later the truth comes out that only certain people are able to investigate and release a corpse for transport. If that person doesn’t show up? It doesn’t get done, right? Guess what never made it to social media? The truth. Stop. Think. Feel. Yes, it feels awful to think of someone– anyone— laying in the street on a hot day, it feels gross to think of what might be happening at that point in time– let’s face it, we’ve all seen an episode of CSI– or enough to realize what happens in those first few hours– yes it feels AWFUL. But if you use logic you’ll realize that you being hateful doesn’t change police/government/county/city policy. It might make you feel better to shout your opinion to the world and get it reaffirmed by your friends– but you can’t take that hateful speech back. You can’t undo the ripples your anger might cause. Putting in your 2 cents might boost you up for a little while, but it doesn’t mean you are right. It doesn’t change anything about what has already happened. We’ve all seen what hatefulness can do. Let’s see what using rational thought and prayer can do. Let’s see what withholding judgement, biting our tongues (and stopping our tap tapping fingers) and instead actually having and acknowledging our feelings can do. We’ve been immediately reacting and responding for too long.
Let’s use our brains for more than protest and judgement. Let’s use the skills any 5 year old is taught. Stop. Be quiet. Think. Listen. Feel. (with a little leeway here as it is my blog–Pray)…
