There’s a reason you’re only seeing blurry pictures or the back of this kid. She never.sits.still. She bounces, she twirls, she hums and clucks and sings and never stops noise or movement. She loves to pretend that she’s a princess. Especially one who fights evil, or does magic. Or fights evil by doing magic. She also loves to play checkout/cashier and also doctor and give checkups. It’s all about pretend with her. She’s a singer. Or does ballet. She loves to dress up. She thinks putting on a dress is fancy. She loves to layer her clothes, even if it’s warm. That one, I will NEVER understand. All I see is more laundry.
She had her 5 year appointment and her school immunizations after her birthday. She’s falling smack into the 50% mark now for height. I’m still hoping she’ll take more after dad eventually, but that 95%ile is totally gone now. She’s still growing and getting stronger (and more strong willed) every day, but I guess perhaps not as much as her peers. Either that or she scrunched down AGAIN when getting measured instead of standing up straight, which she did last year. She’s definitely grown, though, as she needs new shoes, new *omg NOT TODDLER* clothes– big kid clothes are horrid, people, horrid! she’s even outgrown her underwear, so the ones she handed down to B are a bit stretched out. Kind of funny. So she’ll be in around a size 11 shoe, and 4-5 big kid clothes.
We’re still plugging through the homeschooling, although she’s doing a lot less than I wanted (due to my inability to prepare and her decision to fight EVERYTHING). It took 4 hours to get her to do 2 math worksheets that I made up for her. Four. Now, actually doing them took about 10 minutes. The rest was her whining and screaming and crying and saying I was a bad mommy and she wasn’t going to do it. I’ve tried explaining to her that the more she fights the less time she has to play, but so far she only learns that for a day and then forgets it again. It’s sad. Normal I suppose, but sad. She just wants to play and be a kid, but she can’t see beyond 10 math problems to the ‘fun’ she could be having if she just sat down and did it. Thankfully this type of thing doesn’t usually go on for that long, but she has missed quite a bit of play time. On the other hand, she’s learned about our state and world, written words I never figured she’d be able to write, has started adding (few) double digit numbers, and is currently working every day on what she is thankful for, which is everything from hair (hey nose hair keeps me from getting sick) to the Christmas tree. With kids, you just never know. After 2.5 months, though, I now feel confident that she could go in to a 1st grade classroom and do their work, which is what I intended when we started all this. If she gets past her mental roadblocks and grows up emotionally, we’re pretty sure the school system will bump her up so to speak. The last thing we want is for her to be bored, and get this, she’s reading on a 3rd+ grade level ya’ll. She will NOT fit in in Kindergarten. While she’s still got her challenges (she ONLY wants to write with capital letters), she’s made great strides elsewhere, and my ‘fight the good fight’ with sounding words out is FINALLY paying off, she is FIGURING IT OUT!! I can hear her sounding stuff out for her dad at random times and knowing how to spell things that blow me away. You bet I take EVERY opportunity to tell her good job when I overhear it. That’s another awesome thing is dad ‘checking’ her work when he gets home. He’s always really impressed with her progress and provides feedback. He even spotted a math problem she had gotten wrong that I overlooked or didn’t check or something. Ha. Go dad. She’s obsessed with making cards and writing things, and art and stencils and so on, as well. She’s actually got quite a diverse little brain. I just wish it was always used for good, and not because she’s upset with me over something completely inane.
Wow, that rhymed.
Her favorite things right now include anything that allows her to pretend or make noise. TV is all about princess, Doc McStuffins (she is a toy doctor for toys?), or random shows that are just ‘on’ that I can’t get my head around. However, there are SOME good lessons in these and I’ll take that over mindless stuff any day. For the most part what she watches reinforces good lessons we’ve tried to instill or shows a rotten character that we never fail to comment on how bratty or spoiled or selfish or whatever that character is. Lol. It’s good that she agrees, right?
I’m afraid if I don’t note some things down about her 5th year that we won’t get them down. Ours lives are about to get super busy. I want to look back and smile and remember the way she was. My first born. My stubborn girl. My fighter. I hope it serves her well. I hope she gains more compassion and understanding to go with it. I hope she is VERY happy. I hope I get to struggle with her the whole way through. Love doesn’t come with a number or conditions. It comes in leaps and bounds, and it works through things and tunnels under and even when it’s hard or frustrating or hurtful, it still goes on. These last few years with K have been tough. On all of us. I will not deny that. I have not been the perfect mother. Most of the time, I don’t even feel like I’ve been a semi-good mother. I yell too much, I explain too harshly, I judge her and not the situation. I work every day to try and do better. I hope one day I can live up to the ‘running up’ hugs when she’s been away. If I were her? I wouldn’t love me at all. But she does. I hope that means I’m doing something right. I’ll continue to give it my all, and hopefully one day it will be enough.