It seems like I’ve been late with everything lately. Online payments. In the mail payments. Doing things around the house. Doing things outside the house. I’m not sure if my brain is trying to speed things up, or slow things down.
I’ve gotten a lot more paranoid during this pregnancy. If a fly or spider gets in the house, it makes me feel like they’re busy laying a million eggs and will overrun my house unless I can get them out/dead right away.
Last night Keeley had something on her hair at the store. Matt said he thought it was a gnat. He had one land on him. You know what paranoid mom thinks? Yeah I’m itching like crazy. Damn. We gave both kids baths and looked completely through their hair and saw nothing else. I know that ‘having that’ is a giant pain in the butt. I don’t need another giant pain in the butt. Paranoia. Big time. We haven’t even been around other kids for like 2 weeks. I don’t even see how it’s possible, but that’s how paranoia works, right?
Here I was hoping to finally take some time Friday and get my hair cut and donate it, but now I’m scared to, afraid I’ll pass something gross on to the wig place. Seriously? My brain needs to STFU… and if you reply to this, don’t tell me your horror stories, or I will hunt you down. I don’t need any more fodder for my overly processing brain at this point. I just need to chill out.
I’ve tried to rationalize. I’ve prayed. I’ve asked my husband for reassurance. None of it is helping, much.
…I just feel like I need a HUGE break. We were hoping to finally get our house painted this long weekend(s) coming up. We even went and got the paint. Just like ‘something’ to come up and spoil it all, because waiting 3.5 years to do it isn’t long enough.
AHHHH. Okay, that’s enough for today.