1. It’s definitely not a new problem/feeling, that being last. It comes from you being a caretaker/giving person. Putting everyone ahead of yourself. I think all of us do it to a certain extent, and if you think about those women you know who do not, they’re often thought of as selfish and narcissistic.

    I know you know about my penchant for 2nd hand clothing, is it possible for you to put aside a few dollars each paycheck and have a mini spree sometime in the next few months? Because you ARE worth taking that time to yourself once in awhile.

    Yes, you are.

    I know things are tight on one income, hell, things are barely working here and we both have jobs… although the two of us together are making the salary of one poorly paid person. 🙂


    I wish I could offer something concrete to help you feel a bit better, you really are worth care from yourself and from others.

  2. Regina

    Not whiny at all – and not just you. I do suggest you find something for YOU – be it a hobby, a special treat (not to share -but for YOU!), a comfy new shirt or some “mommy time”. Those little things can help – and won’t take away from the girls or your hubby. They need a happy, healthy YOU, and you need to let them take care of YOU a bit!!!!

  3. Nicole B

    I have been there. I second what the other ladies were saying. Take some time and maybe squeeze out a little bit of money and treat yourself sometime. Chances are, when you’re at the store you semi-regularly buy something for the hubby and the kids that’s non-essential. You are worth that non-essential too. Even if it means saving $10 every time you get paid and going on a Saturday and taking that appt from the working mom. You work too, you just aren’t paid for it!

  4. Katie

    I recently had a baby and none of my clothes fit either. I went to Old Navy and scoured the clearance items and found a couple of shirts that I like for super cheap. It makes a world of difference having a few new things. I told my husband I want new clothes for Christmas, but I know I can’t spend much on myself because I’ve already spent so much on the kids. But I didn’t get a birthday present this year because our finances were tight, so I feel like I deserve something this time around, even it it’s small. I promise that your happiness will improve if you can find a way to make yourself feel like you are as important as your husband and kids are. I know without a doubt that they couldn’t get along without you. You are not an inconvenience or a bother to others. You have just as much of a right to “be” and to “do” as anyone else!

  5. Jill, I think one of the most refreshing things about your blog is how raw it is. You are the real deal, a sincere person, a fantastic mom, a loving wife, doing her absolute best every day. You are incredibly hard on yourself and you have such high standards. These are good, but can also be self-defeating. I don’t know if this helps, but I get very few comments on my posts unless they’re giveaways and the same people tend to comment on my fb page as well. I’ve had nearly 100 people join my facebook page from a sponsorship recently and I had to beg to get 3 more to follow my blog, which I found so odd! Plus, tons more follow twitter and they didn’t follow the link.
    Your value (and mine) is not based on numbers. You are amazing. You are individually loved by God. You are important. You have terrific things to contribute. I am so grateful to know you and wish we could be IRL friends. ;0) I know we don’t attend the same church, but this talk from one of the leaders of mine has meant so much to me and I think so many of the words are meant just for you and what you’re feeling today. I hope you’ll read it. http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/general-relief-society-meeting/2011/09/forget-me-not?lang=eng&query=forget

  6. Some days I just want to shake you, Jill! You are JUST AS if not MORE important than anyone in your house! YOU are the one who holds down the fort, budgets the money, takes care of the kids. You may not bring in any money, but you are the person who makes that little group of people a family and holds it all together. Go get that pedicure. Take the money you’d have spent on B for Christmas (who will be perfectly happy with a box to play in) and buy a nice outfit to wear to church or whenever you need to go out. It will improve how you feel about yourself AND improve your family life as well. Tough love, I know – but you are important too and you need to make sure that not only you know it, but that they do too.

  7. Stacy Wolfmeyer

    This breaks my heart. I worry about you. Nobody should ever have to ask if they are worth it. Of course you are worth it. You are priceless. You are just as precious as anyone else. I wish you could see the value of you.

    I know people tell you to take time for you, but part of the problem is the lack of money to do anything for yourself. I’m not one for trips to the salon either. That’s a want that people have. You need to have enough clothes to get by and feel decent in. That is not a want. That’s a NEED. Yes, I understand that Matt needs clothes for work and the girls are constantly growing and in need of new clothes. But you deserve clothes that work for you just as much. If anyone can arrange a budget to fit in another need, it’s you. I agree that you don’t want to spend much on clothes because they could get ruined. But there are plenty of less expensive, not fancy options out there and you need to somehow work the budget so you have a little to spend on yourself. You aren’t going to like it, but perhaps you should cut back on some of your charitable givings to be able to afford some clothes for yourself. You are just as important to help out as someone else.

    You have heard it before, but it’s so true. In order to take care of your girls you have GOT to take care of you. Matt needs to hear what ways you want to get out of the house and help make it happen here and there. But you also have to be willing to get out of the house. Plan something out that you want to do, find a day when you can do it and Matt can watch the girls, and then go through with it. And I know you don’t like driving, but that’s part of leaving the house.

    I get that you don’t want to bother people. And sometimes that’s a valid point. But you are entitled just as much as anyone else. The police are to help people and to keep people safe. You are people. Don’t feel bad. Pay attention to the clues of people around you, but try not to overreact to them. If it really looks like your kids noise is bothering people, do something about it. But most likely, they dont’ care. We have had people ask to move away from us twice in the last 6 months because of how loud our kids were. It was awful. Only once did I feel it was justified 🙂 But it happens. It doesn’t make you any worse than anyone else.

    Of course your family is fine with you at the bottom. THings are good for them. And the girls are too young to understand anything except Mommy will take care of everything. You really really need to talk to matt and come up with an actual plan for you and then follow through. Hopefully he will listen and understand that you need some help. Because it isn’t okay for him to be fine with you being at the bottom. And he may not really realize where you are. Unless you’ve come straight out and said something, he really may be clueless. I don’t know if he still reads your blog, but hopefully this time he will.

    I read the link that Mindy provided. I thought it was a very well said essay. She was spot on when she marked 1 and 5 for you. I hope you read it.

    You are important and you are loved. God made you exactly as he intended to. You need to treat yourself with the same respect that you treat others, because you are one of His children, too.

    I feel like there is nothing I can say that will be adequate for this post. You just need to know you are loved.

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