This is kind of a cross between a talk about it Tuesday and thoughts on a Thursday.
I was just wondering what the current thinking is about (especially kids’) politeness and serving size. Several times I have had the opportunity to serve cupcakes/cookies/other dessert and then had a request for more. We were always taught to eat what we got and be thankful. If something was offered to us, then to accept it if we still had belly room for it (and everyone else had been served). My polite denials were met with somewhat loud disbelieving grumbles that they weren’t allowed to gorge on 3 or 4 cupcakes. Is this the new standard? Is cupcake the new ‘all you can eat’? This would also be about an hour presumably before the kids would eat a regular dinner. I don’t believe in spoiling someone else’s kids’ dinner. Not only was it grumbled it was ‘can you BELIEVE she said no?’ out loud. With a rolled eye look. With me in the room. Repeatedly.
Now, I did have a reason for this (besides not spoiling their dinners, and not believing they really needed more than one). I was saving the rest of them for another event the next day. One these kids would also be attending, so they would get a 2nd shot at them. I let them know this when I politely declined, but still got the ‘backtalk’.
Was I out of line in saying no? Is the cupcake ‘too small’ of a size for a kid? I know my husband can eat 2 or 3, but he rarely does, and definitely not in public or in someone else’s house. Is a treat a free-for-all or do the same courtesies still apply as when we grew up? I will freely admit that the one parent there did say something to her own kids, but there were some without parents there. I know those kids are pretty highly restricted on ‘extras’. I was trying to be the good guy for the absent parent. Any suggestions for if this happens again? My kids will be mixing with the general public before long, maybe having kids at a birthday party one of these days. Do I really want kids high on 3 pieces of cake in my living room? It’s obviously not my place (although if it was the 80’s I’d have told them ‘what for’ like a good country mama) — to suggest that they are having dinner soon, etc. except for my own kids–who are always warned about manners and corrected ON THE SPOT if an issue arises. Has this happened to you? What would you do about it? Also, would you call them on their rudeness? If so, how would you do it?
Let me add that I do love all of these kids, I don’t love the rudeness, their mom is my friend and if she came across this one day, I’d hope she saw what I saw in the situation, maybe not, but I hope so. This is my blog, my ‘safe space’ for getting feedback from the world, I’m not complaining, just hoping to see what everyone out there (esp. those lovely moms of older kids that read my blog!!!) have to say. I am deliberately leaving out dates, names and anything else identifying. This could have been a year ago, it could have been last week. It just crossed my mind as I was sneaking a second cookie out of the container today: what are the ‘new’ limits or are there any? Do the rules apply to adults, too, or is it a societal norm we place only on kids? These are not ‘hungry’ kids by any means, for the record… I want to be a kind and gracious host, but I don’t want to be stepped on or thought of as stingy, either. I definitely do not want to be talked to that way in my own house again, either. (coming back to edit that these are not 3 year olds who lack restraint or the ability to censure their thoughts).