Go ahead, ask me if I care

I realized all the sudden that I have a really low *care* threshold. As in, I don’t.

Observation: A celebrity died. CNN emailed me. I read it, told my husband, since he was sitting there, said a brief prayer for her family and that was it. I didn’t go snooping any further. I tried really hard not to argue the point that people were making on facebook that ‘no one cares’ when a soldier dies. We all know that’s bs. LOTS of people care. Their deaths will affect us for generations, as will the lives of those men and women coming back who have ‘seen it’. We will ALL remember that. By now, though, the celebra-death craze has settled back down. Is it healthy either way to care too much or basically not at all?

It’s not all about this person in particular, but about ‘stuff’ in general. Celebrity news doesn’t hype me up. I feel sorry for the girls that seem to always go through panty (or not) flashing moments, drug abuse, or pure stupidity, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m not their friends or family, I don’t know them and don’t care to. I’m sure that all of these people are very wonderful human beings past all the glitz and glamor, but as for me: meh.

I feel some things in my personal life very strongly, for example we were rear-ended about 6 years ago, no one was hurt, but I still panic in slightly heavy traffic with a lot of stop and go. I had actually almost gotten over it (yes SIX YEARS)–actually it may be more than that.. I digress..when the truck rollover happened. Other than grieving for my truck (oh yes, for about 2 minutes), I haven’t felt a thing about THAT accident. In  my mind before I go to sleep, images flash of what COULD have happened. I YELL at myself in my head to shut up and it goes away. Seriously. I still haven’t really driven yet. Driving for me in and of itself is a huge challenge. My brain does NOT process visual information fast enough for my taste. My hand-eye coordination sucks. I can’t drive a stick shift because my brain will not ‘do’ that many things at once. I drive mostly at off-peak hours so I’m not in ‘people’s way’. Also, there are fewer people out to get me. Now along with the rear-ending fear I’m scared our new truck will roll over, too. It makes for a horrible passenger, and probably an even worse driver. That I DO care about, because it keeps me from doing things for my girls. It also probably puts them in more danger because everyone is more likely to do something stupid if they are afraid. That bothers me, a lot.


  1. I agree with the comment above about glorifying a celebrity’s death when it was, most likely, due to years of self-abuse!

    When my threshold for caring is low…I refer to it as “my give a shit factor is hovering around….I DON’T!” 😉

    I rolled my car when I was 16. Totally my fault and I’ve always owned that. That feeling has NEVER left me. The images of the seconds before the accident and during the accident still flash in my brain. The sound of the accident–tires screeching, metal slamming into pavement five times still echo in my ears. If I go into a corner a little faster than I should, I literally brace myself–I grab onto the center console, my left leg gets stiff as it straightens out beneath the dash and my stomach drops. It will never leave me. Rolling a vehicle five times and coming to rest, literally, a handful of inches from a HUGE tree will never leave. Neither will knowing that a car coming in the opposite direction came around the corner just as my car landed on three wheels (one snapped right off). Had I been seconds later (or they earlier), I’d have hit them head on (ironically enough, they were friends with my parents).

    A year or so later, I was rear ended by a driver doing 45mph. I was at a dead stop (as were the two cars in front of me). I hit the one in front of me and he the one in front of him. THAT feeling of seeing a vehicle approaching in the rear view at an alarming speed has also stayed with me. I find myself always looking for an out–always leaving more than one car length in front of me–just in case.

    I was incredibly lucky that the roll over left me with a few bruises (and a hurt ego) and a knee injury that, still, bothers me. It could’ve been SO much worse. The rear ending accident was a busted radiator in my car (from hitting the trailer hitch on the truck in front of me) and a sore neck. Lessons were learned and I have been a much better defensive driver.

    Sweet shit…where was I going with this?! Damned if I know…seeing as I’ve gotten up twice to referee arguments with the kids, my train of thought has left the station and probably won’t ever return.

    Just know I get it–I get SO much of what you say. I do.

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