Why insurance companies annoy me

Warning: If you have no sense of humor, you won’t like this. Stop reading now. You have been warned. Okay then…

Along with the bills that are coming in, I get this notice wanting to know if my ‘injury’ is blamable on anyone else. Basically, can they make anyone else (not covered by their program) pay them more money. However, I looked at it, rolled my eyes, and kept reading. I actually found it quite funny. Note: I did NOT fill the form out this way. This is totally sarcastic, but the questions are really on the form. Where I wrote ‘enter info’, it asked for specifics, but I didn’t want to type that out 3 or 4 times.

The first spot is date of injury. Hmm would this be when my daughter was born, or the date of conception? Because the conception is a little fuzzy at this point. Can we make an educated guess? There’s an 800 number. Should I call it and ask them?

1. Was your treatment due to (check one below):

Auto accident– nope, never done it in a car
medical malpractice– pretty sure we weren’t playing doctor
home injury– well it was at home, but I wasn’t injured
liability  (like a slip and fall)– slipping, maybe, but I think the ‘falling’ would hurt, don’t you?
work accident or injury– I think that’s illegal in most states, and certainly not something recommended by most places
other/not an accident (explain below)–Definitely not an ACCIDENT.

2. Please describe how and where this injury happened. They’re getting a little personal, don’t you think? What state did this happen in? Euphoria? Elation? Please list suggestions in the comments! (really, I’d love to hear your answers).

3. Was anyone other than yourself responsible for your injury? ____ Yes _____ No If yes, and you are making a claim against them, enter info here:
Hmm, again, is this the conception or the birth? Because I could blame Matt for the conception and Brennan for the birth.

4.Was a police report made? ___ Yes ___ No Name and city of department if yes
I thought we had covered that this happened at home, so I hope the cops weren’t called!

5. If this was from an auto accident, please list the info of your own car insurance. Again, not in a car, again my child is NOT an accident. She is an ‘on purpose’.

6. Did you hire an attorney to represent you? __ Yes __ No If yes, list their information here. Usually, we don’t need a mediator in that situation-it’s mutually beneficial.

7. At what telephone number or email address may we contact you? I’d really rather you didn’t.