I’m getting that question a lot these days. Whenever I go out anywhere, it’s ‘you’re about ready, aren’t you?’ Typically, my answer is no. I’m not ready. I’m not surprised, though. I remember very well when we were on the fence of deciding to have kids, and the MOST helpful answer I got was ‘you’re never going to be ready, no one is–having a child is so different from not having one that no matter what you do you can’t prepare’, or something along those lines. That was probably what helped me make the decision. If the people who seem like great parents, who have excellent moments with their kids, and bad ones too, weren’t ready, then putting it off any longer didn’t seem like a real smart thing to do. If you could never be fully ready, then no one would ever have kids, right? So no, I’m not ready, but I’m okay with that.
Oh I have the basics. The crib is up, diapers are either prepped or ordered, my bag is mostly packed, with a list of what else we need to go inside it at hand. The baby’s bag is started. I ordered some nursing tanks online, so hopefully they’ll be here in a couple of days. Since it’s ‘hades’ here (my new swear word for the freaking hot/humid weather we’ve got going on), I figured I could sub those in for t shirts at the hospital and save myself some laundry. It won’t cool down for a couple of months yet, last year in November we were outside in t shirts, so I’m not worried about long sleeved stuff yet. On the other hand, I had already shopped last fall for most of Keeley’s fall wardrobe. It’s already in her dresser, along with the ‘still too big’ tops and pants that she wore this past fall. I think I resurrected 2 pair of jeans and 4 other shirts, so she has plenty. The baby’s clothes (pink in bottom drawer just in case) are re-washed and in the dresser, with 3months-1 year in the closet, ready to go. I didn’t keep all the pink in there, but if we end up with a girl, it’s an easy fix to pull it out of the attic and get it washed with everything else once we’re ready for it. If not, I can just put the newborn and 0-3 upstairs, too, should we have no need for pink. Since we don’t know, no need to focus on it. The car seat is prepped and ready for us to install when we’re ready to bring the baby home. Stuff is slowly getting done, now, we’ve realized that we’re running out of time, and we start doing more things instead of just sitting, I guess. I still have a to-do list a page long, but we’ve got the basics covered.
My house is not super clean. It’s mid July and the July mopping still isn’t done. I figured if I could mop my floor once a month, it would be clean enough with regular sweepings not to drive me insane. There’s dried raspberry underneath our kitchen table, and I could care less. I don’t feel like getting on the floor to pick it up. I may whack it with a broom here in the next few days, or not. My laundry room is hosed. It seems to be the most complicated room to keep clean, because we’re always taking stuff out of it, putting stuff in, dropping off shoes, purse, plastic bags that need recycled. I’ll probably get to it again here in a few days, too. I’m moving slower. I have to accept that. I think my husband has, too. I’ve started making piles of things to go upstairs, and this weekend, everything that needed to go up went up, for the most part, I didn’t have to do it.Other than Keeley’s toys or the counter being mounded up with mail that needs sorted, we’re doing okay with pretty much everything. Would I want unexpected visitors? Not judgmental ones, no. Ones that have been there and understand? Welcome as can be.
We made meatloaf for dinner and went ahead and made a 2nd one for the freezer. I put banana muffins and a serving of chicken noodle soup in there, too. Matt helped with the meatloaf, he said he’d never made it. That’s probably true, but he did all the seasoning, I just handed him ingredients, so I’m sure he could do it if he wanted to later on. That’s nice. If need be, there’s a whole day’s worth of meals in the freezer. That makes me pretty happy. It’s more than we had last time around. We plan on doing that as much as we can over the next few weeks, if we get weeks. Freeze a portion here, a portion there, and see how we come out. I detest using plastic bags to freeze in, but figure that we’re doing what we can otherwise, and Jesus will probably forgive a few plastic bags if it takes care of our family for a while.
I took in the recycling last Friday. I almost didn’t make the jump into the truck bed. I think that’s out for now. I just don’t have the stamina to do that anymore, and while it pisses me off beyond belief, I have to accept the fact that I’m not carrying a watermelon, I’m finishing off a little human and eventually, my body needs the rest time. It’ll have to wait. It doesn’t please me, but the thought of premature labor because I was pushing myself too hard, well I’m not sure I could forgive myself. I’m stubborn, but I’m not stupid about it.
I think about the changes coming, and want this little critter to stay in for as long as possible. I have a 2 year old to take care of. I don’t know how well I can take care of her with a newborn. I’ll find out. I think that slowness is going to be the key. With Keeley, I’d rush through everything to try and make the house spotless, prove to myself that I could still do it all. Now I know better. I’m trying to instill in my child a sense of ‘wait a minute’ and she’s getting better. She’s a good helper. She picked up all her toys last night because I told her I wanted to vacuum. I do want to vacuum, I’m not sure when I’ll get to it. The poor kid thinks her grandparents are coming, because I told her I wanted to vacuum. Now I had been vacuuming every week, and my parents only were coming down once a month, so it’s not a direct correlation, but I did usually do a touch-up before they came, get rid of the bits of cereal and so on… so I suppose she has it right in some respects. I hope she doesn’t feel left out, or pushed aside, or kept out of the loop. We’ve tried to include her in on most of the baby stuff. We moved her out of her room, and it had been a long process of ‘your NEW orange room upstairs’ so she was aware that something was changing. She took to it fairly well. She didn’t really bat an eye when I started saying her old room was the baby’s room. We put the crib up. I asked her whose it was. She said the baby’s, with a big smile on her face. She knows the baby will wear diapers, and I think she’s going to want to help me pick out every detail about this child, from what it wears on its’ toes to how often I wipe its’ little nose. I’m not sure if it’s jealousy or mere curiosity. I’m guessing it will be more of an elaborate dress up game than anything. Good thing babies need new diapers and clothes so often, right?
Am I ready? Yes and no. Yes, because this was a planned and loved child, and because I can barely dry my own tush without assistance. No, because we still need some more baking time, I still have a to-do list, and my toddler needs some attention. Nothing is going to be perfect in life, ever. There’s going to be times when we hit roadblocks, and miss cues and just all in all feel like giving up. That’s what makes the flutterbyes part of life so sweet, though. That simple joy that comes when your soul lets go of everything for a moment and takes wing. I look forward to repeating all of those things with baby number 2. I could use some soul lifting right now.