Now, I don’t write about my husband very often. Other people do and that’s okay, a lot of times I get an ‘ah ha’ moment out of it just as much as if people were writing about a struggle with their kids, you know? Also? He seems overly sensitive about it, which IS saying something given he’s not that sensitive about things most of the time. I posted something on facebook, which wasn’t really negative the other day and he called me on it, saying I just misunderstood him. I probably WOULDN’T have misunderstood him, but every single time I try and carry a conversation through to it’s natural ending, he acts like I’m nagging him or bothering him and so we haven’t had a full conversation in weeks, months, maybe a few years. I mention something, and then Keeley needs something, and when I try and bring it back up again, it’s like I’m whipping a dead horse.
We’re just not on the same mental path. When I want him to do something, I try and ask directly. But he’s not one to want me to say something twice (I’m nagging), and if I drop subtle hints, and then finally months later I’m angry that something STILL isn’t done, and drop the bombshell on him, he insists I never asked him to do it. So what’s a girl to do?
I have a mental honey-do list at least a mile and a half long. There’s a lot of things I REALLY need help with right about now, given my condition. But if he’s not in the right mood, I just end up cranky or in tears and get yelled at. Not everyone has the same relationship pattern, and we’ve been complimented in the past about how great we communicate, but lately, it just ‘ain’t happenin’ folks.
All he wants to talk about is a motorcycle (that really, honestly, truly, I DON’T want him to have EVER and we discussed that when he took his driver’s course this spring) that he wants to get if we pay off all our bills. I wanted to have a solid money discussion by July 1st and mentioned that several times. We talked about talking about it, but it never happened. I set the budget up, but there’s no room in it for a motorcycle. Now he’s acting like we should get one sooner rather than later, for ‘commuting’. If he’d actually pull the trigger on the 10 hour work days he said he would, and working from home one day a week, that would save us 2 round trips a week. Even doing the working from home would save us one round trip. He seems to think that buying a motorcycle and leaving me the car would help our gas bill. Considering until the summer I never made more than 2 or 3 trips in a MONTH to the store, and never more than say 20 or 30 miles, I don’t think that ME driving MY truck is an issue at this point. Maybe it’s the dinners out because our doctor appointments have been late in the day, we could pack a snack for Keeley and have a plan for when we get home instead, that would save a ton of money. There’s other things, too, that we could do, it’s not all just that, but I don’t think that putting in a motorcycle payment for the next 2, 3, 4, or however many years is solving anything. I think it’s just a toy for him. I don’t mind that he wants a toy, but I’d rather we get everything paid off and not focus on adding another bill in the near future.
I would tell him this, but, we, you know, never finish a conversation… and he’d probably just say ‘you just don’t get it’ anyway. Sometimes, I really don’t get it.
What I DO get is that I’m 8.5 months pregnant. That I’ve slowed down on everything by about 25-50%, which means I’m still doing almost everything I was, but it’s taking longer. Which means I get LESS rest time than I used to… and still, nothing that I want to get to, is getting done. I’m sure at some point, he’ll read this, and won’t be happy, but at this point, I haven’t been happy about a ton of things for so long that, well, I’m not sure I care if he’s unhappy or not. Probably a bad outlook to take, and I value his feelings very highly, but at this point, I have more things to worry about.