When something goes wrong with me, I’m pretty easy to fix. If I’m sad, hug me and love me. If it’s something I can logic out, help me do that. If I’m in a hormone rage, forget it.
My husband is a different animal all together. He keeps his feelings in. The ‘usual’ things you do to comfort someone don’t work with him.
We found out Saturday that his dad was going to the hospital because he was dizzy and lightheaded. Sunday we found out he’d had a heart attack. He refused the heart cath on Monday, due to family problems with it (his dad, Matt’s grandpa, died during a heart cath about 15 years ago, and his wife, Matt’s stepmom, died on the table and they brought her back–earlier this year–during a heart cath). They said, fine, but if you have more pain you have to have one. More pain on Monday, heart cath on Tuesday. Found 4 heart blockages and 2 in the legs. At first we heard only one was serious, 100% block and the rest were 40%s. Found out today that the rest were 70%s–from his stepmom’s daughter. Anyway, point being that it was worse than thought. He was supposed to have a bypass on Thursday. A QUADRUPLE bypass nonetheless. Matt was going to go to work and then make it there before his dad went into surgery.
Had a heart attack late last night or early this AM. Not doing well.
Matt is driving there. He was already at work. Today was supposed to be his ‘party day’ for leaving work. They were going out to lunch. Then we were going to get an ultrasound and see the baby, my parents were coming to visit.
I just don’t know what to do for him. He was obviously upset, I let him off the phone right away. I emailed our ‘home church’ in our hometown. I sent a message to our pastor here in town. I called and told my parents to wait and see, then I called and canceled our ultrasound appointment and moved it to next week. I asked for prayers on facebook. Other than the physical things, seeing that he’s fed and so on once he gets home, I don’t know what to do for him. He’s probably almost there by now. Google says 2 hours, but it’s been an hour and a half. It’s almost all interstate. I will probably get an update later.
So if you pray, pray for Matt’s travel, and for his dad and step-mom and her family, and of course for Matt’s older sister, Andrea. She’s very attached to her dad. Because Matt and his dad didn’t have much contact while he was growing up and they don’t have much in common, I’m sure it’s doubly hard on him. He’s still his dad, even if they don’t see each other much. If you don’t pray, keep us in your thoughts. I’m not sure what to do when something like this goes wrong…
Jill, I’m so very sorry you guys are having to go through this right now. I, like Matt, keep my feelings bottled up. All you can do is be there when he’s ready to talk and a shoulder for him to cry on. Hugs and prayers !!!
Jill – so sorry – especially after seeing your updates on Facebook. I would just be honest with him – tell him you need him to tell you what he needs – since I don’t think you can mindread?? Extra hugs to the little one – she won’t understand if Daddy and Mommy are sad and serious – especially for someone so far away. Take care of yourself – take care of the babies – and hopefully Matt will let you take care of him, too, in his own way.
I’m with Regina… ASK. Don’t let frustration and resentment build up in either one of you. Tell him you want to help him deal with what’s happened, but aren’t sure how. He may not know himself, immediately, so don’t take it as a sign of rejection if he says there is nothing you can do. You can be there loving him and really – that may be all he needs to know right now. My condolences to you all.