Sometimes, it’s hard to find your way. I often find that church leads me back to the right place again. My head, my heart. Sometimes, I get confused. I’m no longer the person I was. Being a wife changed me, and being a mother certainly has. Nothing is ‘mine’ anymore. Not time, not possessions, not money, not food, not even a simple blanket. I have to share. Sometimes I get so wrapped up into the fact that I can’t be ‘me’ anymore that it drives me crazy. I’m so glad to have God to go to in these times. I know I should do better, pray more, give more. It’s just that sometimes I don’t feel like I have anything left to give.
I’m not sure if that makes any sense or not, and I’m not sure that matters, either. This post is more for me than you.
What does matter is finding a church that you connect with. I feel like I’ve found that. We haven’t been there enough to really settle in, know everyone’s name, and so on, but a lot of people I recognize on sight, and some recognize us. That’s enough for now. The spiritual realm, though, is harder to pinpoint.
It’s like you’ve been traveling this lovely river of faith feeling quite alone, and then suddenly, someone yanks you into the rapids and says, ‘you’re not crazy, you’re not alone, there are kindred spirits’ and sets you on your way again. It leaves you shaken, renewed, and your face quite damp from the ride.
I’m not sure how else to explain it, except that it works for me.
Also? I was quite impressed when a kid barfed in the communion line that 10 people rushed to get help, one dragging a trash can, another a blanket from another room, paper towels from a few others, and so on. Then the preacher makes a comment about how thankful (theme of the service) he was that our bodies are designed to get rid of poison.
These people are hardcore, caring, and funny. The husband and wife both preach. The wife with funny, everyday, understanding and deep concepts that everyone can relate to, and the husband with fire. Calling us out not to worry about the simple, every day things of life. They won’t matter in the after life anyway. I’d been thinking about this recently. I’m such a worrier. I’ve imagined all the bad things that could go wrong and how I would react. It’s a sick thing, but apparently it’s feeding something my brain thinks is necessary. My soul knows it’s not. It’s nice to have validation, though. He also spoke around election time of Jesus not caring if we were Republican or Democrat. In the end, what difference does it make which symbol you align yourself with? Isn’t it more important to think what God wants you to do? Furthermore calling people out not to say their ideals are better than anyone else’s or that people aren’t good if they don’t agree with you. I’ve personally been name called and trash talked because I spoke of a disagreement to an issue before. Sometimes even questioning a person’s beliefs makes them feel like they must attack. I take a different approach. Ask me what you want. I’ll tell you what I know to be true in my heart. Take it, or not. I can’t force anyone to agree with me. I can only be reasonable and do what I think is right. I find that I learn best from people who think differently than I do. I give them respect in their beliefs and let the rest be between God and them. But if I learn something, from them, or the situation, then my own life is enriched.
Really, can anyone ask for anything more?