Home alone

The last few days have been pretty, well, awful. If I hadn’t gone to the library Monday and to the store on Tuesday, I might have lost my mind. Why? Because Matt’s been working 12 hour shifts. He gets up at 4 am, he’s at work by 5:30, and he’s been working until 530 or 6. Do that math in your head. That means by the time our girl is ready for bed, or PAST ready for bed, her dad is just barely getting home.

I know some people do it all the time. Not us. Usually, my hubby works until 1:30 pm, so he gets playtime and dinnertime. Sometimes he plays with her while I make dinner. Sometimes we make dinner together. So now, I’m trying to find ways to keep her entertained while I make a nice meal. Doesn’t seem right to just toss down some frozen pizza when he’s worked and been gone that long.  He gets home and tells me about his day, I briefly tell him what Keeley does, he watches a tv show that bores me to tears and then he goes to bed. Add to that, I have no phone service I can use to call anyone. Which means I get to talk to … no one. A 2 year old whining for food every 15 seconds does not count.  

I know that he has to work the time, and that it may net him some overtime or a day off later in the week or next week, but it still sucks. Keeley hates it when he’s gone. She’s downright snotty that I can’t magically make him appear out of thin air every time she wants him. I don’t think he gets how hard this truly is to deal with for a regular day, let alone an extended day and evening.

Everyone says I need to take some time for me, but how do I do that? I’m trying to meet people through common activities hoping we can find someone to trade babysitting duties with or something, so that we’re able to have some time together, or I’m able to have some time to do something with another mom… but it’s just not happening. Everyone our age has tweens or teenagers. I don’t have much in common with them. Do I really want to deal with someone else’s tween who hates little kids? How will she be treated elsewhere if that’s the case? Tough stuff. I kind of hoped we’d be close enough to family for them to come visit, but it ends up being maybe once a month and just for a few hours. Not enough time to get in a good visit. With Keeley needing a nap and refusing to nap anywhere but carseat or crib, it kind of cramps the traveling for us a little bit.

It’s really hard when you are completely alone. Everything seems much harder and worse when you have no one to talk to, share stories with, or even chat about the weather. Lows are lower, highs don’t get very high, life which should be full and rich seems dull and pointless. I’m one who needs to talk, at least sometimes, to get my feelings out. Otherwise, they just build up inside. Depression, anger, until they burst out, or not. It’s bad normally, and terrible now.


  1. so where do you live? Creepy stalker question I know, but I am curious. I am in the same boat of everyone our age has tweens. I am 35 with a 3 year old and an infant and I don’t have much in common with women my age because of that and I loathe women who are a decade behind me in age, the maturity level is just not there. Okay that isn’t fair I am generalizing, but I am sure you get what I am saying!

  2. Oh, so sad. I’m sorry that you’re feeling bad. Tim used to be out of town one week a month for a year when Ella was little. It was so difficult and lonely and exhausting. You should not feel guilty for wanting to take time for you. If you are interested, you are always welcome to come to my house to get a break or we could meet somewhere (even in the middle of our two homes). Is there a McDonald’s with a play place somewhere between your house and mine? Just let me know. You can always feel free to send me a fb message or email rant and I’m here to listen as well. Hang in there! If you had phone service, I’d send you my number.

  3. Being alone is so hard. N has a fairly steady gig now compared to what he had a few years ago, but I clearly remember how hard a whole day or even a few days were without him. Did you recently move? As we just discovered, we do live fairly close. I work full-time outside of the home so play dates might be hard, but I’m all about finding fun stuff to do on the weekends.

    Hang in there!

  4. It’s trite but true… hang in there, it gets better.
    Sorry you’re still having a rough time.

    I think you need a puppy.


    Or a Mental care package.
    If you want to email me your address, I’ll send you one.

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