“Just don’t get him onto the subject of his boss. According to Mr. Crouch…as I was saying to Mr. Crouch.. Mr. Crouch is of the opinion.. Mr. Crouch was telling me… They’ll be announcing their engagement any day now.”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
That about sums it up. All my husband talks about when he gets home lately is his buddy’s car, and his buddy’s wife and his buddy’s life. That or why he doesn’t have a riding lawn mower yet. Whenever I try to talk about anything else, it’s as if it’s not important at all. I am really glad he has a friend, but I’m equally glad now that his buddy’s car is no longer living at our house. After 4 days of exclusively working on his buddy’s car instead of on our house, it’s finally out of here. Plus they painted the upstairs (minus the overhang which would drip on the carpet) with primer yesterday.
I was asked to leave.
Yup, my own house, and take the kid with me. I don’t know if we’re really that much of a bother, or what. Maybe they just wanted to talk about me without me here. So I took in the recycling, got gas in my truck, and spent probably 2 hours wandering around Wal-Mart, desperately shushing my daughter, who was annoyed as crap that mommy wasn’t just getting on with the shopping and taking her home to daddy, who she hasn’t had any bonding time with lately. She was exclaiming it loudly and consistently the whole time. I was one of those moms you stare at and roll your eyes. I was told not to come back until they were done, though. Since the tow truck was coming for his buddy’s car at 4, I figured if I got back around then it would be okay. Matthew certainly seemed glad to see that those chores (recycling, etc) were out of the way, but the minute his buddy was gone and I acted tired, he was back to giving me dirty looks for ‘being an @$$’ –which is his term for when I’ve had a really long day and am faced with the fact that I still have to take care of 90% of what Keeley needs at night, too, and it annoys me. His buddy leaving has brought this attitude on before from him. He’s just too tired to deal with it. Yeah, I’m pissy. You would be too. If not, then you’re not my friend. Because I’m rational like that.
The only time we actually seem to get to talk as a couple is when we are on a long drive. Keeley is occupied with a toy and listens to the radio and is quiet for once. I’m hoping that on the way to my cousin’s wedding on Saturday, we can get a little bit back to normal. All I can seem to focus on is that the house isn’t done and that there’s nothing I can do about it but nag at Matt to work on it. This whole having the house not done thing over our heads is a bit unnerving, to say the least.
I’m glad that the first coat of primer got done, and I really hope that the second coat can go down this afternoon (one room already has a second coat-3 to go and the bathroom is totally done if I forgot to tell you guys [minus hooking the shower up and finishing the closet]). Once the painting is done, flooring done, lights and such up, and the decks are built outside, we can get our final appraisal and actually start with our mortgage. Until then, it is around $40 a day in interest that goes straight to the bank (not to build equity or anything). Now you see why hearing about someone else all afternoon and not working on the house might irritate me a little bit.
Maybe he thinks if he talks about his buddy’s newborn that it will make me want one. If that is the case, sorry, you’re going the wrong way about it. I’ve said over and over again that I need to really feel like myself again before I can invest in another child. Yes, a child is an investment. An investment in time, money, and pure mommy exhaustion. So far, nothing has been done to help me along. I’ve been told to ‘just do xyz’, but it’s not that simple. You have to be willing or able to, for example, watch the toddler in order for me to get my haircut or visit with a friend. Since the house isn’t done, that’s not happening. Because, obviously it’s COSTING us money not to have it done. So, yeah. I’m not going to do ANY of that until after our house is done and the mortgage is set. Thus, he’s still waiting on the whole ‘new baby’ discussion to happen. He just sees me as selfish and unwilling to ‘just call the doctor already’. He says it in a joking tone, but I’ve known him long enough to know he’s mad. He wants another baby and he wants one NOW. Yet I’m still shouldering most of the responsibility for Keeley, when he said it wouldn’t be that way when he got home from work. The real problem is that when he’s NOT working on the upstairs or whatever, he still takes that route and I’m doing all of it. Not really fair. If he was physically painting or whatever, I could understand why he wouldn’t want to have to watch her, but when all you are doing is looking for answers to your buddy’s car problems online, or looking at one more vehicle you can’t afford to buy, well, I’m not really willing to put myself out so to speak by having another child. Even with 9 + months to wait, well, if you’re not holding up your end of the bargain, why should I make any more work for myself immediately, no matter how much I might love another child?
As I said, I HAVE tried to tell him this, but he’s just not listening. Since writing on the blog has helped before, maybe it will help this time.
I think, no matter what is said, the lion’s share of the work almost always falls to the mother. Even when the father means well. It is frustrating, but, if it helps, things will get easier, at least physically, when she’s a little older. I’ve never regretted the 3 1/2 years between my kids!
Matt’s allowed to want another child right now if he wants (and I know you know that, I’m just saying), but it clearly isn’t the right time for you, and I’m surprised that he hasn’t seemed to figure that out. You should NEVER badger someone into having a child. That just isn’t right for the parents or the child. You know though how sometimes, when people get an idea stuck in their head that they want badly enough, they don’t always realize the best way to go about getting it. I hope he relaxes about it soon, before he has you feeling like you NEVER want any more. Keeley isn’t even two yet, there’s no rush. And even if you had a plan of 2 or 3 years in between (or whatever, just an example) that doesn’t mean you have to stick to it. Things change when reality hits. Hope things start to get better.