Things around here are practically at a standstill. Matt hasn’t touched the upstairs this week, although he did spend all weekend working on his buddy’s car. It only cost us about $45 in gas plus $60 in additional mortgage payments. It’s still not done. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, it’s just that his family has 2 cars and lives in the city, his wife stays at home and doesn’t go anywhere until he gets home anyway. Our house is not done and it is bankrupting us with every day that goes by. We’ve been paying on this since October, and of course all that interest goes straight to the bank, so we have no equity yet from paying ‘into’ it at all. All that’s left is painting the upstairs, putting in the floor and installing all the fixtures and stair railing. We have all the stuff to do it with, it’s just sitting there… waiting.
Why not do it myself? Have YOU ever tried keeping a toddler occupied downstairs while you paint upstairs? Yeah, right. Plus the fact that I’ve been doing 75% plus of the mowing–probably 2 acres, once a week, all the dishes, all the laundry, all the cooking, all the cleaning, all the shopping, 90% plus of the child care. Yeah. I’ve done enough to keep a gardener, a maid, a laundry service, and a chef busy lately. That’s besides taking care of Keeley. I can’t really add anything else to it, unless someone can watch her.
Still, though, I’m getting more frustrated by the day. I try and keep her occupied, she’s starting to miss her dad and ask for him throughout the day. Now that he’s been MIA for about 2 weekends straight she probably thinks she did something wrong. Keeping her out from under their feet has been nearly impossible. We have a wedding to go to this coming weekend, so that will be shot, too. That all just leads me to immense frustration, not only is there never anything ‘good’ left over for me, I’m exhausted and still supposed to be nice to everyone and pretend I’m thrilled. Not going to happen. So since I’m with Keeley all the time, she gets the brunt of it. I don’t like it, but there it is. My biggest problem is not getting ahead of her. I used to have most anything she would need ready ahead of time (another benefit of extended nursing, that at least was free and had no prep work), and what wasn’t done ahead of time could be done quickly and easily. Now that she’s eating just about everything, I get worn out just trying to get her fed. She eats twice as much as me and then scavenges from what I try and sneak in for myself. She’s insatiable. Meanwhile, I am starving and getting fatter. Haven’t figured that out yet. Considering how much work I’m doing and how little I manage to eat, I’d think I’d be a svelte size 2 by now.
So basically, I’m resolving to be more Smokey the bear and less firefighter. I don’t want Keeley to think everything is done magically, but listening to her scream for 45 minutes for dinner, alone, because Matt is too busy to deal with us, well, that just can’t go on anymore. She screams ALL the time now. I didn’t think the terrible twos started before 2, and typically, anything annoying she did would only last a week, and it’s been at least 3. So since I’m not getting any help, and with his buddy’s car not done, I’m just going to have to resolve to do it all 100% on my own, and try and stay ahead of Keeley’s needs, and not just respond when she needs something, like I was doing before.
That of course means the little ‘me’ time that I had is going to have to go away until after the house is finished, but it can’t be helped. Without any physical assistance, someone has to lose and I guess it has to be me. Speaking of which, I better go and start breakfast so it has a chance to start cooking before she wakes up and demands ‘no–which used to be ‘mo’ — more’.. food!
I’m sorry things are so stressful right now. I hope that Matt gets the upstairs done soon so you can at least have one major thing done. As for the terrible twos – well, kids don’t know how many days until their birthdays!! With Jacob, it started about 3 months prior to his second birthday. And then about a month before his 3rd birthday, it got SO much worse! Then as he approached 4, things got better, and last, about a month and a half after turning 5, he’s impossible all over again. With Lauren, 2 was harder than 3, but 3 has its’ moments, too. It seems like there is always some stage going on with something I don’t enjoy. Right now with Lauren, it’s all the prissy, bossy demands. She knows better! But it’s better than the meltdowns of age 2. Unfortunately, the whining started at about a year and a half for them both, and hasn’t gone away yet. He’s worse than she is. Anyway, I wish it was better. I know what’s it’s like to be “stuck” at home all day (and several nights, and really late days, sometimes the kids going days at a time w/out seeing Mark – thank heavens residency is over!), and have to listen to the same thing over and over (screaming, whining, counting….doesn’t matter what it is, the repetition is what makes it so annoying). And trying to keep the house up, bills paid, lawn cared for, children alive and hopefully happy…….all by yourself – it’s exhausting and frustrating and you have to keep going even when you fee like you don’t have anything left in you. I do hope it gets better. Realizing something has to give and you can’t be expected to do it all, all the time, is a big deal. I’m glad you did. For me, it’s the housework. I look around my house and hate it when I think how long it’s been since I’ve dusted/vacuumed/ mopped whatever. But if I’m going to play with my kids at all (and I don’t all day, by the way, nor do they watch TV all day. Sometimes they just have to figure it out themselves), or ever sit down (which I REALLY need to do, and taking a moment to sit on the potty doesn’t count!!), I just have to let some things go.
I feel like saying more about the upstairs, but probably shouldn’t. I just hope things get straightened out soon. We all have to line up our priorities, and you’ve got enough on your plate. Thinking good thoughts that after the wedding, things move at a better pace for you.
The dishes are calling……I’ve got 3 extra kids at my house right now, and haven’t been able to accomplish much (especially the sitting and relaxing to make my back feel better) but I’ve decided that at least I have to tend to those. At least the kids haven’t been much louder than what I’m already used to. Just wilder. Anyway, hope the week shapes up!