Not everyone gets along, not all the time, and not with everyone else. Matt and I haven’t been getting along lately. Nothing for anyone to be worried about, just general stress and our individual ways of taking it don’t mesh.
I worry and spew all sorts of horrible ‘what ifs’ and he just worries internally and is all cool on the outside. So nonchalant that it irritates me to no end. Nobody likes a Pollyanna sunshine, right? He doesn’t want to hear my worries. I get it, they are insane. (I mean at one point I was half convinced we’d have to sell our brand new house because of the mortgage rate–which isn’t true–there’s plenty of stuff we can do to cut down on bills that have nothing to do with selling our house). Still, though, what am I supposed to do, keep it bottled up? Yeah, that’ll happen. So we tend to rub each other the wrong way when we’re stressed. Which is, you guessed it, all the time the last, oh say 6 months.
While we had an anniversary dinner out last night and on the way home we talked about it. Talking about it with Keeley awake is nearly impossible. You slightly raise your voice (which we do when things are discussed-doesn’t everyone?), and she starts yelling. I don’t know if it upsets her or she’s just trying to match our tone. I think the latter. It’s hard to make yourself heard over her. Either way, we cleared the air, which I think is important and healthy in a marriage. This morning I couldn’t sleep past around 3:45 so I was up and Keeley woke up at 5:30. I gave Matt about 20 minutes and she was starting to make more noise, so we got him up. After a quick daddy snuggle, we made coffee (spooned her some strawberry applesauce and got some water) and took a walk to the outside gravel road. Proably 1/2 mile. We were back before 7. We seem to be getting along a lot better this morning, which is great. It’s not fun to not enjoy having your spouse around and we were getting to that point. I’m going to start having a little more ‘me’ time to relax and he’s going to warn me when I start to be too negative and stress him out–but he’s going to listen so I don’t go shooting off like a rogue bottle rocket one of these days. I hope he also decides to share some of his worries with me so that he doesn’t go off, either!
By the way, thanks mom for the anniversary $-we ate at Applebees and it was yummy!–My brother’s wife just up and offered for her to watch Keeley for us to go out to dinner, which was totally nice! Granted, we had to drive up to her house, but it was worth it to get our mental lives refreshed, which is much needed from time to time. Nice to have ‘couple time’. They were playing late 90’s music over the speakers, too, which was a fun change and reminded us of when we started dating!
Big surprise, I think we’ve got a dirty diaper to deal with now, so you’ll have to wait for cute baby stories until I can get back!