What time for me?
Yeah, there really isn’t any. Maybe the time I spend blogging, or checking facebook, or reading other people’s blogs. However, most of the time, I’m multitasking, I’ve got the washer going, I’m waiting on something to cook on the stove that doesn’t need supervision, I’m playing peek-a-boo, and so on. I rarely do just one thing at a time, and none of it is really for me.
I don’t think my husband really gets that. I read other people’s blogs, a lot of them for the giveaways, and to learn about products that might be of interest to me for Keeley in the future. Often, I learn about deals and coupons that I can use to save money. I saved $28 in coupons the other day and got free soap for both of us. I even got 3 cents back on the soap I bought.
I bought a pair of jeans a couple of weeks ago, or rather, Matt did, since I don’t really have any money, per se (dont’ worry, we share and share alike, it’s just wrong to say that I bought it when I clearly didn’t).. anyway, and at least they stay up, but they are the first clothing items (save socks) that have been purchased for me or by me since my birthday last June. Matt got a shirt at Christmas, and I’m pretty sure that’s the last for him too. However, he doesn’t care what he wears.
I do. Certain things look better than others. I’ve had 3 abdominal surgeries now. I’m squishy around the middle. I’m scared to death to do another sit up should I tear my self apart again and herniate. The few shirts that look good, I wear out, but they are already starting to fade, poor things. The rest are getting mystery stains, no idea what they are, they aren’t colored stains, but they don’t wash out, either, and just look greasy.
I have a wedding to go to in July for my cousin Amy. Matt will wear khakis and a polo shirt. I will never find anything to wear and probably end up wearing something from pre-baby days that doesn’t fit right. It is around 2 hours or so away from us and is in the evening so we are getting a hotel room and a roll away crib for Keeley. Should be fun. My mom is going to hang out and check on her while we enjoy the party. We’ve never gotten to do that before, and in fact have done absolutely zero ‘fun’ since Keeley was born–save the shopping trip a year ago, and Keeley came with me. Nothing for me, and certainly nothing for ‘us’. Now Matt? He’s gotten to go to several movies, and even DAY LONG car events by himself. He gets a break by going to work and then kind of wonders why I’m burnt out at the end of the day. I mean, he knows, but jeez.
Then enter in the house thing, and it’s coming down to the wire. We’re in, we have a LOT unpacked, a few things still in boxes or containers, and Matt is now having to work as much as humanly possible to try and get the house done. Apparently the bank is tired of waiting on us (and who can blame them?) so they ordered the appraisal. Umm, yeah. Drywall went up today, more tomorrow, as well as some walls and etc. should get finished. That means Matt took time off of work and will have to make it up the next week, which means I have longer days with Keeley.
Not complaining, I love being with her, but I do wish that someone else could wipe her hands for the 15th time she finds a minuscule spot of something on her high chair try and smears it around. Wipe up the milk from the floor when I turn my back to wash dishes and she wastes a whole glass. Figure out she’s dirty and change her diaper. Pour another cup of cheerios (chocolate, regular, or fruity) out for her to snack on so I can make myself something to eat (finally)–and then share with her like she hasn’t already eaten a whole plate of food AND the cheerios. Pick up the toys one more time. Pay the bills.
Right now, I won’t be getting any me time any too soon. I ‘got’ to drive to the lumber yard to pick up stuff today, while Keeley was napping. I could have done 100 other things that needed done, or just hung out for myself, but I went because everyone else was upstairs working, and of course, she was awake when I got back. Dirty.
Other people go shopping or get their nails done (like my friend Val, who I am SOO envious of right now!) but I have little kid paint on my toenails, and look for $1 clearance stuff at Wal-Mart so Keeley can at least have a varied wardrobe for the next year or so. The way she’s not growing, she will be in those clothes for a long time.
But, around here, life is not bubble wrapped, no one is in a pretty vase like delicate flowers, we get bloody noses, and dirty diapers, and sometimes a little mold grows if someone forgets to dump the coffee ground for a week…but we make it through. We carry on and make it work. I wish we would get a break every once in a while, it would be nice. Doesn’t seem like it’s in the cards though.
I’m holding out for July and the wedding. Hopefully things will be calm by then. Oh and Matt’s ready for another baby. I want to know where we will put it since the upstairs isn’t done. He wants to gab about buying another new vehicle/old one since I can’t POSSIBLY handle putting Keeley and a baby in the truck. I think that’s one of the silliest things I’ve ever heard, and kind of a lame way for him to basically say he wants a different car. He said he would be fine with the one he’s got for a while. Apparently, he lied. Or at least can’t follow through with it.
Quite frankly, I don’t want to hear about babies, or cars. I want to hear about a house that’s complete, a mortgage note signed, a budget we can stick with that includes me perhaps getting a haircut once every quarter or so, a stocked pantry, and maybe a visit to my friends. A date night with my hubby where we don’t have to worry about Keeley. Some time to myself to just.. I don’t know, sleep. I want my batteries to be recharged at least once before we consider other.. possibilities. I want to feel like a WIFE again and not just a bedwarmer/dinner maker/future baby incubator, cause that is about how I feel. I don’t feel important in the slightest. I don’t feel like I matter.
I want to be ME again, at least for a little bit. Anyone know where to find me? I can’t promise a reward, but maybe the blog will be more exciting if I can find me again.