Hoosier Girl over at The Coffee Table wants to know: what do you consider important to a good marriage or relationship? Tell us a story of something endearing about your marriage or your parents’ marriage. Include any wedding pictures or images of love that remind you of what a good relationship should be.
Okay, I’ve only been married shy of 8 years, but here’s what I’ve learned: There are many myths, one of them is ‘love means never having to say you’re sorry’ another is ‘never go to bed angry’ — sometimes you just have to go to sleep and see how it is in the morning. And communication, including apologies, is a key component. Even if you have to send your spouse an email, because you’re too angry or frustrated to speak your mind clearly, after all, you can’t hit backspace when you’re talking out loud, it’s better than ignoring the elephant in the room. You know what happens when you ignore the elephant? There’s elephant crap all over the floor and someone gets hurt.�
There are a few truths, though: The Golden Rule, and dancing in your living room every once in a while, and if it won’t matter in 5 years, just talk about it and get over it. The best truth, though, my mom told me before I got married: If you picture your life without (your spouse) and it would be better, then it’s not the right thing, but if you try to picture it and you can’t imagine life without (your spouse) then you are doing the right thing.
If you’ve been following me a while, or been playing Fun Monday, you know my love story. My own parents have been married 40 years. They are a continuous reminder of how you just ‘shake it off and step up’ – (there was a story of an old donkey who fell in a hole and the farmer couldnt get him out, so he shoveled dirt on top of him, intending to bury him, well the old donkey just shook it off and stepped up on top of it, and soon he was out of the hole) – yes, there have been hard times, but they make me see how it’s all worth sticking it out in the end. These days it seems all too easy just to give up, but seeing them lets me know that love can exist in turbulent times.
What a lovely picture of your parents! Like my parents, they understand about standing together.
Re: your comment – My first husband and I made it 7 and a half years. There were no children because it never felt right and I was very careful. As it turned out, my gut instinct was right on that one. Having your baby at almost 8 years in, I’d say you’ve shaken out whether or not you’re staying together.
What a beautiful love story your parents have. You certainly do have a great example in front of you.
When we had or have fights it’s like a thunderstorm, we both have quite some temper and we scream out whatever we have to say. When it’s all out then we are OK again. I couldn’t make a face for days and he either.
You ask me how to spend time when you don’t have time. Time doesn’t matter. When we married I worked during the day and he during night. We saw each other 2 h and shared a single bed, where he slept during day and I during night. But it’s not the time which is important it’s the quality ! We too had no money to spend for a babysitter, but we made a nice time then at home alone or with friends. Babies are sleeping usually sometimes. If there is a will there is a way, somebody said, I don’t know who. you will see times will get better. The most important for long lasting marriage is friendship and laughing together ! If it’s only based on sex there is not a lot of chance (40 years later, lol !)
You’re absolutely right – marriage is work on both parts! It’s not always an easy road, but hopefully the good outweighs the bad.
E-mail! Great way to have your say! Not seriously, but aren’t most of us a bit more articulate with the written word and the red flag not in front of our face? Just don’t confuse the delete and send keys. Seriously thoug, you are so fortunate to have an example of a real working marriage in your parents. Hope you’re able to top their record for longevity.
I love that quote: Shake it off and step up!!! I’m going to use that! And I love the picture of your parents. They’re so cute! Thanks for playing!
J.
A very good post about marriage. One nice thing about my marriage is that I can still watch him from a distance (after 33 years) and my heart goes pitty pat.
Thank you for commenting on my attempt at Fun Monday. Your postings about your family are beautiful, lucky you to have such a wonderful family.