Okay, finally I am sitting down to write hopefully a coherent post with some thoughts on this whole baby making process. First of all, do not EVER say to the newlywed or newly-coupled, ‘so when are you going to have kids?’– talk about pressure, and then there’s the chance that the woman, or man, could be infertile. You, then, have just stepped on a land mine of pain, guilt, regret, and sorrow. If you do happen to do this regrettable thing, here‘s what you can do to stop digging a deeper hole. You know, when you ask that 38 year old why she hasn’t had kids yet, and she had a total hysterectomy a year ago because of cancer, that sort of thing. Do YOU really want to be the person that opens up that can of worms?
Basically, a person’s fertility is their own business. Sure, if they broach the subject with you, you are okay to fall in line, but if they keep mum, follow their lead. I can’t tell you how many times I felt pressured to have kids, before we were ready. Now I am SO GLAD that I didn’t fall in with the ‘crowd’ and have kids when I was like 20 when I got engaged. Seriously. I barely had a glint on my finger before I was asked the ‘big’ question. And I felt like I was on the outs with everyone after I answered that we weren’t sure when we were having kids yet, if we were having kids yet. Like there was something wrong with me. Finally when my husband was in school it was like we had an ‘excuse’ for waiting, well you see, he’s in school, so we are waiting until we have a bigger place and more money. That, at least was acceptable. I still had one relative who railed at me at the top of his lungs that you’d never have enough money, so don’t wait until then. Like it was any of his damn business in the first place.
Now that we have a kiddo, and we love her, it’s tough. Will we have more, maybe, will we not, maybe. I can’t really say. Don’t ask me. Even if someone has one kid, they may have a secondary infertility problem with unknown causes or consequences. It may tear them up inside, or they may be secretly glad. Maybe one is enough for some people. Have you seen this world? With all the Angelina’s and the octo-moms out there popping out mulitples like nuts (that they can’t pay for), perhaps just enjoying a woman’s baby for just its own little person is good enough. Why does it have to be a big brother or sister? Especially in this economy, can I get an Amen?!?
Back to the octo-mom. Seriously? The doctor implanted 6 embryos. Want to know why? Because his success rate was hovering around 10% as a turkey baster when all the other doctors were getting about 1/3 of all pregnancies to take. So he put six in to try and even up the score with the other doctors. 2 split. Nice. At this day and age, maybe he should try a different kind of medicine?
He knew what he was doing, and so did the octo-mom, after all, she’d already been through this to get 6 other kids. One with autism, and 2 others with some form of disability. Yup, half of her kids already had problems, she’s a single mom, and she still wanted 6 more. Is there a little nuts problem going on in this world or what? Back when people had that many kids over a lifetime (she’s in her early 30s), a lot of them died because of farming accidents, diseases we are now vaccinated against, and just crappy luck. But when ma and pa had too many kids, one of the younger ones went to live with Aunt Mabel in Knoxville, because she had room as she only had 7 of her own. Now we have families of 2 and are $10k in credit card debt because we can’t stand not to give our kids everything they ever dreamed of. So what’s with this lady? Maybe she thought she’d get the free van, diapers for life and college scholarships that some other families got. Not likely, lady. She did, however, set up a websitewith her PR firm (yes, she can hire a PR firm, but she can’t support her own kids, even though she swears she’ll do it alone.. along with whoever donates on the website, wink wink)….to get donations, which should help, as just the hospital bill for these 8 unlucky new-to-this-worlders will rack up a debt of $1 million, and that’s before they go home. Add to this fact that they live in California, which is currently so far in the hole they are not likely to dig themselves out, and you can imagine why the rage is boiling off of this topic in waves hot enough to scorch the most hardy of Americans. All the beach bunnies are going to have to give up their shiny new surfboards to pay for this woman’s ‘offspring’… I have said before, I don’t think that we should tell people what to do and not to do, but seriously? Why take the chance of 6 more when you already have 6 that you can’t take care of? Sure, the fertility gods are smiling down on her, but the rest of America has taken up their torches and pitchforks. I personally I feel sorry for her. I wish someone had taken the time to get her into therapy. Obviously she’s over her ‘mistreatment’ by her folks, as she lives with them full time. So why the insistence on all the embryos being implanted? We may never know. In the meantime, I’m praying for them, the state of California, and for someone to donate therapy to this woman. God forbid she decide 14 isn’t enough and do this again.
I do want to give a nod to the Duggars, who I thoroughly enjoy watching whenever they talk about them on tv, although I never purposefully set out to watch, it is quite entertaining. From reading their site, it appears that they never asked for a hand out, but did accept help when offered (read the mom’s advice note from Michelle, it is quite touching).
As well as the Gosselins, who said that they didn’t ask for anything, but donations kept showing up. P.s, did anyone see her on Dr. Phil the other day? Her haircut is gorgeous.