My friend Stacy (2 kids who breastfed with no problems) suggested that with every hell that we’re going through that I don’t need the guilt of breastfeeding or not breastfeeding and basically I need to give myself a huge friggin break.
Bulletin: I tried it yesterday morning and she ate from both sides, sure it took half an hour, but she was satisfied and went to sleep with no problems. Didn’t take any longer than the bottle and we were both happy. Ecstatic, really.
2nd Bulletin: I tried it the rest of the day and night and also this morning, each time she ate, and nothing. She won’t latch on, she just screams and pushes away like she’s being murdered. Yes, I strip her to her diaper, I do everything the LLL people suggest, as well as suggestions from my mom, Matt’s mom and my other friends who have breastfed and nothing seems to make her happy.
When we were in the hospital, she had done reasonably well before my milk came in. But she had jaundice and everyone said she should stay on her bilirubin bed the whole time and not even be held or cuddled, just be fed through the SNS feeder which is the little tube you can put on your finger and get expressed milk to run through it and when they suck your finger, they get milk, etc. So we did that, and skipped the breastfeeding, thinking we’d pick it right back up the next day (assuming she’d get better right away), well then she didn’t and time ticked by and she didn’t get better and she didn’t get better, and finally it was time to go home and they said, well we could send you home with a blanket if necessary, but we don’t think it is right now, and we said ‘blanket?’ no one ever told us about a blanket, you mean we could have HELD her all this time? They didn’t have an answer about that.
I feel cheated. I really do. Even if she had never gotten breastfeeding in the hospital, I lost all that time with ooey gooey feelings where I could have held and cuddled her and gotten a really good bond with her, and I don’t really feel like I have it. All the laughter and joy I had in the hospital is gone, replaced by sadness and frustration. Sure, I love her, but now that we’re home (and I’m alone with her), there is no cushion of food delivered, beds made, fresh towels, etc. etc. that I could have taken advantage of holding her, and now I have to do all those things by myself and with struggling to feed her and being in pain 24 hours a day, quite frankly I can’t wait for her to fall asleep because I really really need to get things done, and get some rest myself, and I can’t do that if she’s awake and screaming. Right now, she doesn’t do anything but scream or sleep, really. Which is fine, she’s a newborn, good GOD do NOT friggin write a message to me and offer me platitudes, I’m college educated, I GET IT. Doesn’t mean I can’t complain about it.
So here’s when I ask what you think. My friend suggested I try to feed her every time starting with breastfeeding and if she won’t do it to go ahead and give her the bottle (duh, she has to eat), and to do that for a week, and if I can’t get her to do it, then to make a decision then (whether I continue to pump and feed her from a bottle, switch to formula or keep on trying the breastfeeding) as to what to do. What do you think?
And has anyone else gone through this? Your baby WOULDNT breastfeed or you got through it eventually and they did it, and how long did it take, or whatever.