Another trip to the hospital. Good news, this time, considering her ‘age’ and the lower level of bilirubin, we were given the all clear to stop heel sticks and just wait for the jaundice to go away! Yeah!
Aren’t having the best of luck with feedings, though. Right now we are using a bottle/supplement from pumping. No yucky formula, though. That’s good, right? I’m giving her the good stuff, even if it’s through a bottle? I tell you what, this whole parenting thing is tough on the emotions. The good thing is, I recognize it, I’m not oblivious to why I’m feeling the way I do. It’s still tough to deal with, and I recognize that it’s not rational, but still, tough to deal with.
I continue to feel guilty for taking an epidural, for not being able to ‘make it’ without drugs. I would have had to have one anyway for the c-section, but still…guilty. And now with the feedings, it’s kind of like being whacked upside the head each time she won’t latch on. Guilty as heck. And I know it’s not my fault and she’s probably just a little too young to ‘get it’ — but still…
Don’t beat yourself up. Even if you have to switch to formula (we eventually had to!). Formula is not poison and it is a great option when people choose not to breastfeed, or can’t breastfeed.
Same with the epidural and c-section. There are no prizes for getting through the birth without drugs! I can’t think of one of my friends who hasn’t had an epidural. I know how much a c-section recovery stinks. Hang in there. . . the first week is the worst and the second is not so bad. Before you know it you will be getting around and one day you’ll realized it didn’t hurt when you got up!
Listen to me very carefully:
STOP beating yourself up!! NOW! There’s NO shame in having an epidural or anything else! NONE! She’s here. She’s healthy. You’re healthy. It’s okay.
Recovering from a C-section is tough. I had mine on a Saturday, demanded they let me out Monday night and Wednesday morning was trying to do things I’d done the previous week: laundry, cleaning, blah blah blah. That? Not smart. I rushed my recovery. Which meant I hurt A LOT more than I should’ve. Take it easy. Rest. Eat. Drink. Be happy.