First I have to give out a big yell WOOHOO! because my buddy Trish is expecting baby #1, so I’ll have to set about thinking seriously about farm kid presents… maybe some of those neat-o t-shirts I’ve seen at the farm stores that say ‘farm kid’, hmm.. something.
Anyway, I ran across this with my buddy Stacy, I asked upon the advent of her second baby, if she would be having a baby shower, and she was emphatic that you don’t have a second baby shower. Her first is close to 3, her second is turning 1 this month. Anyway, our church had a baby shower for a first time mom, and at the same time for a 4th time mom (she also has a stepson, for a total of 5 boys) with her last one around 2 years old. The first time mom had a registry with Babies R Us and the other one asked for specific size clothes (her baby was born a few months ago) and a bouncy-thing of some sort. This came in our church new$letter as an announcement.
I emailed and asked my mom about it, and she never replied. It was out of curiousity, not any morbid sense of right and wrong, if that makes any sense. I asked her on the phone today about it and she seemed distinctly uncomfortable answering the question, but she thought that a couple of ladies in the church decided to do baby showers for women in the church that had babies.. of course, that never occured to me, as first time mom is a main church participant. I’ll leave it at that. I assumed it was because she was employed by the church and had been for some time as to why, and I didnt get why they combined showers.
Then my mom said that another lady in the church had given birth last year and they had a shower for her, which either I didnt know or didnt remember. We live 4 hours away, and what little info I get usually goes in one ear and if I feel like it impacts me, it sticks and if it doesnt, then it doesnt. (Thinking about it, it’s kind of nice that church ladies would want to do that for new moms and babies in the church, as church is kind of like extended family, and unless you’re a main church participant, you’re not likely to invite those nice ladies to your baby showers ‘normally.’ ) She also mentioned that if the clothes that 4th time mom had gone through 4 babies (which they didnt obviously as this baby is just #4 now), anyway, that boys are hard on clothes and therefore they were probably worn out… are boys that much harder on clothes than girls when they are 3-6 months old? Are boys clothes made shoddier? Because I’ve seen garage sales where the clothes have been through more than one kid, and they are still wearable.. so I didnt really get where she was going with that…
Anyway, what do you think? Is a second, third or fourth shower ever appropriate? Does time or gender make a difference? (note, I think there’s some confusion, my FRIEND Trish is pregnant, not me) sorry ya’ll! Didnt mean to make you jump to conclusions!
Time does make a difference. The more you wash clothing the more likely it is to give out, if that’s the word, and baby clothes get washed a LOT. Gender? Yeah, it makes a differnce when they’re toddlers.
Having 3 or 4 kids doesn’t mean you planned on having 3 or 4 kids. You may have gotten rid of all things baby after your last kid turned 2 or something.
Showers after kid number 1 though? I’ve always thought showers were just for first babies.
Hmm…tough question. I’m actually going to a baby shower this weekend, so it’s quite relevant. I think a second baby shower would be okay, since when you’re having your first baby, you have no idea what you will need and you probably end up with a ton of useless stuff (like 9 blankets or something). But when you have a second baby, you know what to expect and what you’ll need, so you can ask for relevant stuff that you’ll actually USE! Other than that, third, fourth, and fifth showers? That just doesn’t seem quite right. UNLESS! Unless say, you have 3 boys and find out you’re having a girl! (or the other way around) Then you’ll need a bunch of different clothes and things in pink (or blue), because no one wants to be the mom who wraps her son in a pink blanket and hear “oh your daughter is just beautiful” over and over again.
I think my comment is kind of all over the place, but hopefully there’s a point in there somewhere!
I think it depends on the family/friends. I know several people who have had showers for their second pregnancies, but I am not expecting one. We have a HUGE extended family and even just doing first time showers there will be a lot! I had two wonderful showers with my first pregnancy, one in Wisconsin and one in Ohio. I would be surprised to have one at all this time around. And that’s fine with me!
You never throw yourself a shower. If at any time someone else wants to throw you one, it’s up to them.
But, yeah – time and gender do matter. I had absolutely no need of a shower for Anya. I had everything from Ally from only 2.5 years prior. The only thing I really needed were a few clothes, and diapers. Family gave me gifts, but not too many, and not an organized party.
I sold every scrap of that now. It had been through 2 kids, and what wasn’t worn out, I was tired of looking at. If I were to have a third kid, I would need to start from scratch. If someone wanted to throw me a party, I wouldn’t complain. But also, being a third time mom, I also wouldn’t need as much. With practice, you figure out what’s necesary and not.
Of course you don’t throw yourself a shower?
I can’t really comment because the only type of showers we have here are the ones that clean you!
I would save that all my baby clothes lasted well and Dillon only started to wear out clothes at the ages of around six. Girls clothes seem to last longer but I think they tend to have more clothes, trousers, jeans, tracksuits, 3/4 lebgth trousers not to mention skirts and dresses.
My friends threw a shower for me when I had Lani (my 2nd). I had fertility issues and didn’t expect her:) We had already gotten rid of all of our baby stuff. Wesley was 6 at that point so I needed some new stuff anyway. Plus LOTS of pink!! LOL!! I think that baby showers are fun so I don’t care how many people have. Obviously each one would mean different gifts, but I love celebrating sweet little babies!! SO, if your friends or family want to have one for you then YAY!!
I had a shower for my second, but it was really where all my friends got together and we had manicures. I already had all the girl stuff, I didn’t need anymore.
I think it depends on the friends and the expectant mom, really. I was given a nice shower when I had my first baby, then we waited until he was six years old for another. I knew it was going to be a girl the second time, and we didn’t have a whole lot of money. Some lovely friends and relatives gave me a shower for baby #2. I appreciated it with all my heart.
You know maybe it should be a per person basis? I sure could have used a shower with my fourth and we never planned on having more and everything had been gotten rid of. I would go to a friend’s shower no matter what number of baby it was but maybe I would think of throwing one for baby number 2 or 3. . .SO I have no clear answer.
Lori's Light Extemporanea
I think it depends. If the policy of the group is to give a baby shower, no matter what number baby this is, then I think it’s not a good idea to not do it. (This is the situation I ran into when we adopted twins 6 years after our youngest was born. I protested that they’d already given us a shower with the youngest born and they said they still wanted to do it. Ok then.)
Now, I don’t think you can expect one but it’s nice when people want to help out. A lot of times with second babies so close to first babies (well, within a couple years or so), we do diaper showers and buy lots of different sized diapers so at least they don’t have to buy those.