Right now my biggest fear deals with birth. That’s not surprising, given the stage of my pregnancy, but it really doesn’t have anything to do with this baby, or even something happening to me/death. Obviously, something happening to this baby or me would be completely tragic and something I can’t even fathom right now, and choose not to face, really. I’m more than happy to be in denial about it. I never really expected to love Keeley, raising her, having her, hugging her, teaching her, as much as I do. I don’t worry I can’t love another baby. I know it’s in me. I know it will be a change and a challenge and eventually (give me six months), I’ll get it figured out. Plenty of other people have and do love more than one child. My biggest fear actually is that my uterus will rupture and my choice of whether to have more children or not will be taken away from me. Dont’ get me wrong, I have no idea if we’re done or not. We might want one more, or two, who knows? What I DO know is that I want that choice. We’ve waited so long to start, which was intelligent and the right decision for us, but to have time run out or illness/injury put a stop to it seems very wrong to me.
Have you talked to your OB about this? Perhaps the next time you see him/her, you should ask about how likely that is and what steps you might take to avoid it or what can be done if it happens. That would give you a realistic handle on this particular fear.
I understand the fear. We also started having kids later in life, which was right for us as well. But I believe in God. I believe in destiny. I believe in supposed to be. Whatever is mean to be will be. It would totally suck to have the decision taken from your hands. But having two beautiful wonderful children is really already a blessing.