As a mom, I’m grateful… that my daughter loves herself

My daughter tells me: I love my feet, I love my b**bies, I love my belly. There’s not a thing about her that she DOESN’T love! She loves her family, her friends, her church, her house… she has great self esteem. One day, she may fall into the same trap I did. She may learn to value the opinions of her peers above her own inner voice. She may begin to believe those that put her down… but I hope not. I hope she keeps that self love and listens to her own voice above all others.

Now, some people are of the opinion that some bullying is ‘okay’ and even valued. I can see their point. Gentle ribbing from friends or family members doesn’t hurt, and prepares you for life, because there really are some people out there that bully, even as adults– if the first time you come across it is in adulthood, that would be a shocker. However, I was harassed from the time I was in Kindergarten. Daily. Why? Initially because I was born at a hospital that was 1.5 hours away from the town we moved to instead of 45 minutes away. Apparently, those 45 minutes made me ‘an outsider’. I didn’t belong. I started feeling like an outsider. I started hating what other people really seemed to like, just because they liked it. In general, I think I became so neutral as to not stand out in any way. Except for my brains, of course. I may not come off as the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I’m actually pretty intelligent. I’m just reserved in public. Don’t tell anyone, though, it’s my secret. I digress.. the point is that I hid who I was. I hope that my daughter never has to do that.

Not only was I harassed by the girls, eventually it led to se*ual harassment as well. The great thing (sarcasm) about living in a small community is that if you’re an outsider, the reason CAN be because you are not related to ‘everyone else’.  So of course if an outsider gets harassed, it’s automatically that person’s fault. According to everyone. Even as a 7th grader, I had figured that out. After months of it, every single day in the classroom, I finally ‘told’, only to be threatened with a beating from several of the young man’s female relatives.  They said it was ‘normal’ in their family. So either they didn’t know what the kid said (which was awful), or they really were screwed up.

In retrospect, I should have punched the piece of snot in the face. While it wouldn’t be the Christian thing to do, it might have actually stopped the harassment.  I know if I’d had this song to listen to back then, I might have been a little more willing or understanding to hear my own voice above the ridicule from others, who clearly did not care anything about me– a lot sooner than I did.  Eventually I heard my own voice, but only after a lot of years of pain.

Click on the link to see the video or read the text below it.

 

Taylor Swift, \”Mean\”

You, with your words like knives
And swords and weapons that you use against me,
You, have knocked me off my feet again,
Got me feeling like I’m nothing.
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard
Calling me out when I’m wounded.
You, pickin’ on the weaker man.

Well you can take me down,
With just one single blow.
But you don’t know, what you don’t know,

Someday, I’ll be living in a big old city,
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean.
Someday, I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me,
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean.
Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides,
And your walk by lies and your humiliation
You, have pointed out my flaws again,
As if I don’t already see them.
I walk with my head down,
Trying to block you out cause I’ll never impress you
I just wanna feel okay again.

I bet you got pushed around,
Somebody made you cold,
But the cycle ends right now,
You can’t lead me down that road,
You don’t know, what you don’t know

Someday, I’ll be, living in a big old city,
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean.
Someday, I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me,
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean.
Why you gotta be so mean?

And I can see you years from now in a bar,
Talking over a football game,
With that same big loud opinion but,
Nobody’s listening,
Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things,
Drunk and grumbling on about how I can’t sing.

But all you are is mean,
All you are is mean.
And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life,
And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

But someday, I’ll be, living in a big old city,
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean. Yeah,
Someday, I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me,
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean.
Why you gotta be so mean ?
Someday, I’ll be, living in a big old city,
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean. Yeah,
Someday, I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me,
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean.
Why you gotta be so mean?