This is exactly where I feel like I am right now. Tomorrow is my 38 week appointment! I had NO idea that I’d get this far in my pregnancy! It’s crazy! I’m happy, though, that we did make it this far. It’s not thrilling to feel like your body is defective and just produces preemies, so it’s kind of a thumb-on-the-nose at the insurance company that wanted me to take expensive, painful shots for 20 weeks to avoid prematurity. I didn’t need them! HA!
The issue, though, is that I feel like I’m going to end up with a C section no matter what. I saw a different provider last week and she intimated that this baby may not ‘fit’ if it’s bigger than Keeley was at 7 lbs. I plan on discussing this with my doctor tomorrow, because when I was attempting to deliver Keeley, Matt could see her head, so she was ALL the way down. The dr that delivered her just told me that she was upside down and that was preventing her from coming out. She had huge bloody bruised spot on her head to testify to this after being rammed on my pelvic bones for 4 hours of pushing. So…if that’s the case, assuming this baby was turned the right way, and any extra weight wasn’t ALL in the baby’s head, then reason stands that a bigger baby SHOULD emerge, right?
Not according to the doctor I saw last week. She may not have understood what I meant by flipped over, but she recommended an ultrasound. I haven’t scheduled one yet. I have friends that say the weight is COMPLETELY inaccurate, and if that’s the whole point, then what WOULD the point be of having one? It would just end up costing us in the long run for a quick view of the baby. I’ll talk to my doctor about it tomorrow, but if she hadn’t recommended it, then I’m not certain I should do it, you know what I mean? She didn’t find it necessary to even mention during the whole pregnancy so… you know it doesn’t sit right with me to just do it ‘for kicks’.
On one hand, I really want this baby to stay in as long as possible. I’m getting uncomfortable, but what’s that compared to a completely full term and fully developed fetus that will probably NOT have jaundice and feeding issues like Keeley did? I’ve never felt a natural contraction. Last time it was induced by pitocin, and while my doctor will NOT allow me to VBac with pitocin due to the danger of extra strong contractions on the uterus, it makes me wonder what any other ‘natural’ interventions might do. Because my doctor DID mention stripping of membranes. The little I was able to look up told me that it’s dangerously easy to break the mother’s water– and thereby set the ‘clock’ at 24 hours– if baby’s not out– you’re automatically set up for a C section. However, if I DON’T do that, and we get to 41 weeks, then I’ll end up with a C section anyway, as my doctor DOES think a baby THAT big would be too big.
So I do feel like I’m in the ‘damned if you do’ category at this point. My husband has his big presentation today. I’m kind of hoping I’ll just go into labor this afternoon/tonight or tomorrow and avoid all the issues being brought up at my appointment tomorrow. I know plenty of 38 weekers do perfectly fine, and even thrive. I made it to 37 weeks. I’m getting uncomfortable, but now I just want the baby to take it’s time, you know? Why should I rush him/her, if it might automatically set me up for a C section? It’s REALLY the last thing that I want. Honestly. I just feel incredibly damned… and that’s not how I want to remember this pregnancy.