Lately, I feel like all I do is sit fences. One foot on one side. One foot on the other. Listening to the rodeo on one side, and the audience on the other. Sure there’s all manner of each type of folk-from clown (shudder) to gentry. I just don’t know enough about any one topic to make any sort of decision, let alone an educated one with resources (that are viable) to back me up.
—–
I know people that vaccinate. People that don’t. People that still believe it causes autism (although THAT at least was proven wrong). People that believe in herd immunity and don’t vaccinate themselves, or that have a family heritage with GB syndrome and so they don’t. But we have easily avoidable diseases running rampant through our area. Things Casey could get easily, because she’s too young for the immunization. I want to be really angry at this ADULT who is not vaccinated…and even more so when you realize that by the time THEY realize they’re infected it’s been nearly a month and we all know how far most people get in a month. What they touch, sneeze on, wipe, and whether they wash their hands often enough (probably not)….so whoever they’ve been in contact with.. you guessed it, if they’re not vaccinated either… and so on and so on.. we all remember the scary STD chart, right? Except you don’t choose to get some of these diseases by hooking up at the high school, you get them through someone else’s else’s else’s…snot…or whatever. It’s like Mumps rape. (Can’t wait to see if anyone ever searches for that term)….
I know people that farm and love GMO’s. People that discovered GMO’s have made them sick and refuse to eat them. It’s good for business. It’s bad for your gut. Is it bad for the kids?!? We don’t know.
Homeschooling. Public school. We can’t afford private school. People saying ‘but why don’t you home school her’ and not from the blog world.. people that meet my 5 year old.. saying it’s a shame I don’t do it at home.. ugh. If you could see the all out brawls we’ve been in over doing a handful of math problems. I can’t see doing that for 13 years. Three months was bad enough.
Spank, don’t spank. Breastfeed or formula.
For the love of God don’t leave your kids or animals in the car, even to step out to get the mail. What if you fell down? What if I fell down inside my house? Same difference. Except people are a lot more likely to find me on the road than in my house. I’ve even seen those that advocate to immediately smash a window. Several times I’ve pointed out that a door might be unlocked and the person 5 feet away. That does nothing to change their minds, but maybe someone else reading? Can I get a ‘yeah’ for common sense and common decency? Check the doors, ya’ll.
——
All these things make me question my own parenting. Am I really a bad parent for running back in to get the reusable grocery bags and not taking ALL THREE KIDS out of the vehicle and having them walk with me? Does a swat on the tush automatically make kids a monster? So far although my siblings and I are ornery from time to time we all managed to get an education of a level, hold down jobs if we want one, have families, etc. No monsters there. I sit paranoid when the kids have their first vaccines. What if it gives them.. oh yeah that was a lie… but what if it’s true (I hope somehow that eventually gets out of our subconscious, because it really messes with my head)….what am I feeding organic, not. Do I even wash the apples? Sometimes… no. The mommy wars all just pervade my sense of everything until I can’t see what end is up…
….and I wonder.. am I doing it all wrong? Am I making all the wrong choices? Will my kids come back on me and say WHY.. WHY…
but when I think about it.. I don’t think so.
My parents did whatever they thought was best at the time. I doubt their decisions were swayed much by other people. There was no world wide web. No chat rooms or at least none that could share gossip from thousands of miles away. Back then you actually had to pour the other person coffee from your own coffee pot. Their parents? I doubt there was much fence sitting there either. Just work, sun up to sun down. Before that? Forget it…they definitely didn’t have indoor plumbing and Lord only knows if they had electricity run to the house or not. No one knows and no one much cares. It’s ancient history after all… I’m not sure when minding your own business became hard to do. When a mom could have a glass of wine and breastfeed and she wasn’t labeled bad. When a swat on the tush didn’t mean that everyone on the planet called DCFS and took your kids away. When people made their own biscuits and didn’t worry that actual animal fat was used. As the song goes ‘I miss back when’….there was no fence sitting. Because taking a stance someone disagreed with didn’t make you a bad parent. It just meant you did things differently that’s all…and fewer arse splinters, too.
Let me break it to you now, in case no one else has done so.
You’ve already messed up. More than once. And even though you know it, and don’t want to, you’re going to do it again. And again. Because parenthood.
I think what you said about your parents doing the best they could is relevant here. I think most of us do exactly that. The best we can.
You have to make the decisions for your family based on YOUR family. No one else can do it, and if you put that responsibility on someone else, they’d screw it up anyway. You see, they don’t love your children the way you do. They don’t KNOW them the way you do.
One of my oldest friends and I had a conversation on FB this week via PM. And I’m gonna paste in here what I said to her…. keep in mind that her children are grown, too. Her youngest is about to graduate high school, so maybe not totally grown. And she’s still worrying about doing motherhood right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Isn’t it funny how when you think about having a baby, you think about having a baby.
A warm, dampish bundle you nestle into the side of your neck and feel that glow of love and marvel at how deep your heart really is?
And you get them past the stage where you have to constantly live in fear that they will die from SIDS that you say to yourself, “After I get past this stage, I won’t have to worry anymore.”
And then you learn that you do have to worry. That every waking moment, your children are in the front of your consciousness. Forever. And you don’t want it to be any other way… that love you felt for the helpless infant in your arms just… grows. Forever. And with that love comes anguish and worry and anger and frustration and the fear that you’re not doing enough, that you can never do enough and what if you screw up and ruin them for life and what if they blame you for it all when all you were trying to do is love them.
Parenthood ain’t for sissies. It’s just that we don’t realize it until we’re already committed.
Know that what you’re doing for your kids and your love for them is a wonderful thing and that you’re a good mom.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I really have nothing else to add.
You’re doing fine, you know.
(((Hugs)))
Brava! Who cares what other people think? It’s really all about how you feel you should raise your kiddos (I have run into a store with my son in the car). Let’s start a club for parents who don’t give a damn what others think! Keep up the great work!
What Ami said!!!! My son is 15 now. I’m not sure how that happened. The vaccines didn’t kill him or make him autistic. Eating dirt in the driveway didn’t kill him. Some kid in preschool knocking him over didn’t kill him. Me swatting his butt more than once or dope-slapping him from time to time hasn’t left any scars. He ate candy and hot dogs and junk from McDonalds (until he grew up and knew better) and the kid is pushing 6 feet – no stunted growth here. He is polite and kind, works hard when he needs to and is lazy when he can be. I know that I did all kinds of things wrong and a few things right and still he grew up and became a real person. I say, listen to your gut about how to raise your children. Know your limits and theirs. No one else has that knowledge and no one else can tell you how to do it. From what I see, you’re doing fine.