For some reason as I lay trying to sleep at some point the other night/morning I was thinking about what a huge lie that beauty is. Perhaps it’s something to do with the whole celebrities trying to get attention on awards shows thing, or perhaps it’s because I have 2 girls already and thinking about having another one makes me realize that we could be in for some real hard questions and answers, or maybe it’s because my 5 year old ALWAYS wants to wear a dress so she’ll look pretty. (beauty is on the inside and comes through when you smile, we tell her)…
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Dear Jill,
Oh you’d hate being called dear. I’m sorry. That kid? Who told you that weren’t pretty? Go punch him in the nose. Right now. You’ll regret not doing it when you’re in your 30’s… even if you don’t hurt him, or you get in trouble, or break your hand, that would be okay. It would make you feel better and that’s what counts. You’ll discover that there’s only one man you’re meant to be with, and you find him when you least expect it, in a way you’d never guess. So don’t worry about it too much. Spend more time taking in a good book, playing with your dogs, and soaking up the lessons your parents have to teach you. The rest will come along when it does.
If you have the chance to have a date, or smile at a boy, or whatever, just go ahead and do it. Being seen as friendly, even if you’re rejected is probably better than being seen as stuck up. I don’t say this to change who you are, but to let you know that it IS okay. You’re going to spend your teens wearing jeans and flannel shirts, your 20’s attempting to build a fashion sense, and your 30’s.. get this.. in jeans. You’ll have more boobs than you know what to do with. You’ll cut your hair, leave it long, experiment with make-up, but always stay a classic person. You don’t need make-up to be beautiful. Your insides do that already. So don’t let your mom put blusher on you for your senior prom, it won’t work and the pictures will tell the story. Smile. No one notices that your teeth are crooked except you. Do take better care of them, but don’t worry about how they look. Perfect teeth, hair, or clothing won’t make you attractive to the right person anyway. He’ll love you with snot, baby spit, and flour covering your clothes. He’ll love you with bad breath, dry skin, and a hugely pregnant belly. He’ll be by your side through a LOT of scary things… and you’ll be by his…
All those make up commercials do is tell a lie. Products, and clothes, and whatever the other kids are doing? It’s as fake as you think. Be comfortable. Be you. Because being anyone else just isn’t an option. Don’t waste your time worrying about how everyone else goes to the mall. They want to waste their money? Fine. But don’t let it weigh you down for even an instant… because later you’ll have friends who you think are beautiful, and they don’t fit any standard that the media projects on you. Shape, size, and age don’t matter a bit. When everyone tries to tell you it’s what’s inside that counts? They don’t mean the guts.. they mean the glory. You have a light that you’re hiding. Stop. Let it shine for more than one night at a time. Dance. Play. Sing… let that light out. Don’t be afraid, it’s what and who you ARE that counts…
I guess what I’m saying is, it’s okay to be you. It will take some time, but eventually you’ll figure out that love doesn’t come with a cosmetic price tag. It doesn’t come in a certain size clothing, and it doesn’t come with conditions. It comes naturally, and that’s the honest truth.
Love,
The much older, wiser, and happy…
You
What a wonderful letter to yourself. It takes time to learn what’s important. I wonder what the world would be like if we could go back and tell ourselves all about it?
Just because you have girls doesn’t mean you’re not alone. Boys have similar issues. My son is begging me for braces because his teeth are crooked. At first I thought to tell him no, but I really looked at his teeth and can see that there might be an actual problem there, so we’re going to have it looked at. I turned down braces when I was a kid and haven’t had any trouble with mine. He’s also self-conscious about his skin and his hair and the pudge he’s got around his middle. I told him the hair and skin are fine but he needs to work on the pudge because that can signal some health problems later on if he doesn’t get on top of that now. Problems like what I’m dealing with – they shouldn’t be problems for teenagers!
You’re on the right track and you can tell your girls everything you’ve learned, but you may come to realize that they have to find out for themselves.